459. The Mash – Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless) (1980)

The Intro

There are many weird chart-toppers but this is up there with the weirdest. Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless) is a song about suicide, with lyrics written by a teenager and sung by the voices behind some of the most memorable US TV shows and advert jingles, 10 years after the film it came from was first released.

Before

M*A*S*H (1970) is a black comedy about the Korean War of 1950-53, directed by Robert Altman and based on the 1968 novel M*A*S*H: A Novel About Three Army Doctors, by Richard Hooker. The film starred Donald Sutherland, EIliot Gould and Tom Skerrit as members of a unit stationed at a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital. The movie struck a chord with a country in the midst of losing the Vietnam War and was one of the biggest films of the early 70s, winning an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay.

Composer and arranger Johnny Mandel provided incidental music for M*A*S*H. In addition to film scores, Mandel was a jazz and pop musician, working with greats including Count Basie and Frank Sinatra.

The film M*A*S*H is bleaker than the subsequent series (which Altman hated). And this song’s title is more literal than you may realise. In one scene, the unit’s dentist, Walter ‘Painless Pole’ Waldowski (played by John Schuck) decides to kill himself. He’s such a womaniser, he decides he must be compensating for being gay. Yes, you read that right. Surmising that living as a gay man is too hard, he thinks suicide is the better option. The rest of the unit don’t believe him, and decide to organise a ‘Last Supper’-style event, where they give him a sleeping pill masquerading as poison.

Mandel was tasked with writing a song for Private Seidman (Ken Prymus) to sing during the Last Supper scene, with two stipulations. The first – it had to be called ‘Suicide Is Painless’, in reference to the dentist’s nickname and his fake cause of death, and the second – it had to be ‘the stupidest song ever written’.

Before Mandel came up with the tune, Altman tried to write some lyrics, but told the composer ‘I’m sorry but there’s just too much stuff in this 45-year-old brain. I can’t write anything nearly as stupid as what we need.’ But he reassured Mandel when he said ‘All is not lost. I’ve got a 15-year-old kid who’s a total idiot.’ When he presented him with the lyrics by his son Michael, Altman said they only took him five minutes to write. If this is true, it’s impressive, as although some of the words show signs of adolescent influence, Suicide Is Painless is pretty deep.

Altman was very impressed with the song’s appearance in the Last Supper scene. And rightly so, as Prymus’s performance is lovely. So he decided to upgrade it and it officially became Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless). And it’s this version, playing out over the opening credits, that became the released single.

Altman chose to adopt a choral approach and enlisted members of The Ron Hicklin Singers. This Los Angeles-based group were the vocal equivalent of The Wrecking Crew, and often worked together to record thousands of TV and film themes, plus countless TV and radio jingles, from the 60s to the 80s. Some of the more memorable included the themes to Happy Days, Wonder Woman and Batman. But they’re perhaps best known in the US for their time as backing singers for The Partridge Family, the TV show/musical spin-off that made David Cassidy a teen idol. Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless) features John and Tom Bahler, Ron Hicklin and Ian Freebairn-Smith.

Review

As unusual as this is, it’s a fascinating number 1 – and genuinely great too. The producer – Thomas Z Shephard – was an expert in musical theatre, classical and opera albums, and it really shows. The minimalistic production is spellbinding, capturing the genius of Mandel’s tune through a simple folk sound of acoustic guitar and bells. Using the voices of those better known for performing on ads and family comedies is a really clever touch – it gives the impression The Mash (as they were credited) are actually selling the concept of suicide to the listener. Very, very dark.

And although the lyrics were written by a teenager, there’s remarkable bleakness, insight and intelligence at times. The opening line referring to ‘early morning fog’ could be taken as symbolic of depression, or could be a literal reference to the conditions of the Korean War. The chorus, sometimes taken as nonsensical, is actually pretty deep. When someone is so in the grip of depression and suicidal thoughts, it can obviously feel ‘painless’ as a way out of problems. And the misery can be so all-encompassing, it really can feel like it doesn’t matter either way to the sufferer, that they really can ‘take or leave it’. But it can also refer to soldiers fighting a war too. They may well die anyway, so why not have that level of control to feel better, as a mental way out of the horrors of conflict? To say that suicide ‘brings on many changes’ is an understatement at best, for those left behind, but to someone wallowing in their own personal hell, that might be as deeply as they’re willing to think about family and friends. Haunting, to say the least, particularly this verse:

‘The sword of time will pierce our skins,
It doesn’t hurt when it beings,
But as it works its way back in,
The pain grows stronger, watch it grin’

Bloody hell.

The final verse however, augmented by strings, reads much more like the work of a teenager:

‘A brave man once requested me,
To answer questions that are key,
“Is it to be or not to be?”,
And I replied, “Oh why ask me?”.

Not great.

After

Originally released as Song from M*A*S*H in 1970, this single failed to trouble the UK top 10. The long-running TV series spin-off for CBS began in 1972. Starring Alan Alda and Wayne Rogers, the half-hour episodes were often more like a sitcom than a comedy drama. CBS tried to avoid controversy, keeping away from any overt protest at the still-ongoing Vietnam War. And they decided to ditch the disturbing lyrics to the film’s theme, using an instrumental version instead. Altman described the series as ‘the antithesis of what we were trying to do’.

The TV series was first broadcast in the UK in 1973 on BBC Two, and the film premiered on Christmas Eve, 1977 – two years after the end of the Vietnam War. The movie was repeated in 1980 on 10 Feb, and I can only think that the combination of this being shown, while the series was still running, caused the song to capture the public’s imagination. There seems to have been something in the air that spring/summer, as this was the second in a hat trick of sad songs at number 1, following What’s Another Year and preceding Crying.

M*A*S*H ended in 1983. The finale, aired in the US on 28 February, remains the most-watched episode of scripted TV ever – watched by an around 125 million Americans. The UK didn’t get to say goodbye until 27 December 1984.

Altman once claimed that while he made $70,000 for directing M*A*S*H the film, his son has made more than $1 million in royalties for the theme’s lyrics. Not bad work for ‘a total idiot’.

The Outro

In 1992 the Welsh alt-rockers Manic Street Preachers released a decent cover of Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless) as a double-A-side for charity with Fatima Mansions’ cover of (Everything I Do) I Do it For You. Raising money for The Spastics Society, it peaked at seven in the charts. This singles has since proved to be sadly ironic, in light of their guitarist and songwriter Richey Edwards’ disappearance in 1995.

Remember people, if you’re feeling suicidal, help is available. Contact The Samaritans on 116 123.

The Info

Written by

Johnny Mandel & Mike Altman

Producer

Thomas Z Shephard

Weeks at number 1

3 (31 May-20 June)

Trivia

Births

1 June: Footballer Martin Devaney/Actor Oliver James
2 June: Rugby player Richard Skuse
4 June: Actor Philip Olivier
10 June: Chess master Jovanka Houska/Singer-songwriter James Walsh
11 June: Footballer Ernie Cooksey
12 June: Doctor Adam Kay

Deaths

1 June: Boxer George Marsden/Boxer Len Wickwar
5 June: Athlete William Seagrove
7 June: Writer Elizabeth Craig
9 June: Physician Sir Derrick Dunlop
10 June: Conservative MP Denis Hanley
12 June: Businessman Sir Billy Butlin
18 June: Oil executive Sir Maurice Bridgeman/Film director Terence Fisher/Geologist Neville George
19 June: Educator Gladys Wright
20 June: Golfer John Beck/Poet Amy Clarke

Meanwhile…

6 June: Two Malaysian men were jailed for 14 years after they were found guilty of running a drug smuggling ring in London.

12 June: Pregnant 16-year-old Gail Kinchen and her unborn baby were accidentally shot dead by a police marksman in a tragic accident. The officer had entered the Birmingham flat to encounter Kinchen’s boyfriend, David Pagett, who was holding her at gunpoint.

17 June: Secretary of State for Defence Francis Pym told the House of Commons that US nuclear cruise missiles were to be located at RAF Greenham Common in Berkshire and the disused RAF Molesworth in Cambridgeshire.

19 June: Three unknown gunmen were shot dead by Iraqi security forces when they attacked the British embassy in Iraq.

36. Slim Whitman – Rose Marie (1955)

Slim_Whitman_1968.JPG

The Intro

Influential country-western singer, guitarist and yodeller Slim Whitman’s Rose Marie enjoyed a massive 11-week-long reign in 1955. It stood as the longest-running continuous number 1 until Bryan Adams spent 16 weeks at the top in 1991 with (Everything I Do) I Do It For You.

Before

Born Otis Dewey Whitman Jr in Tampa, Florida on 20 January 1923, Slim grew up loving the country songs of yodelling Jimmie Rodgers. During World War Two he entertained fellow soldiers with his singing. Whitman was so entertaining, his captain blocked a transfer to another ship. This proved to be a massive stroke of luck, as everybody on that ship was killed when it sank. He taught himself to play the guitar with his left hand, despite being right-handed, after losing a finger in an accident. This later had an effect on a young Paul McCartney, who was left-handed and decided to retune his guitar just as Whitman had. George Harrison was also taking note, and once said the first person he ever saw with a guitar was Whitman. The instrument was beginning to become fashionable, thanks in part to Slim.

Elvis’s future manager, ‘Colonel’ Tom Parker, had heard Whitman on the radio and took him under his wing, and his first single came out in 1948. A young Elvis Presley even supported him.

Whitman was very popular by 1955, and even more famous in the UK than the US. He avoided standard country fare about drinking and having no money, and became known for his more romantic material. His yodelling became his trademark, and it may sound surprising but even Michael Jackson listed him as one of his 10 favourite vocal performers.

Rose Marie had been released as a single in 1954. It was taken from the 1924 opera of the same name, with music by Rudolf Friml and Herbert Stothart, and the lyrics by Otto Harbach and Oscar Hammerstein II. Eventually it toppled Alma Cogan’s Dreamboat, and it reigned supreme from July to October.

Review

At first I was baffled by the success of Rose Marie. As I explained when reviewing Tennessee Ernie Ford’s Give Me Your Word, I’m not a country fan. I found myself more amused by Whitman’s voice than anything. I’m not averse to a bit of yodelling either (see Focus or Mr Trololo), but I just could not see the appeal. Unlike most of the other songs so far though, I went back to it a few times, and it has grown on me. Lew Chudd’s production is haunting, and the lyrics pack more depth into them than the usual hits of the time (of course, it was written 30 years earlier, so that might explain why). It’s a love song, but Whitman is powerless against his emotions:

‘Oh Rose Marie, I love you
I´m always dreaming of you
No matter what I do, I can’t forget you
Sometimes I wish that I never met you’

Nonetheless, Whitman has given up. He belongs to her now.

‘Of all the queens that ever lived, I choose you
To rule me, my Rose Marie’

So, yes, fair play to Whitman. But… 11 weeks at number 1? A world record for 36 years? Really? Having said that, when you’ve the likes of Jimmy Young as your competition, perhaps it’s understandable.

After

Whitman made history in 1956 when he became the first ever country star to perform at the London Palladium. He continued to have hits on these shores, including I’ll Take You Home Again Kathleen in 1957.

His star began to wane as the 60s began, with mainly minor hits in the US country charts. Though he continued to record, Angeline (1984) was his last album for 18 years. He relied on royalties from compilations until he began work on his final album Twilight on the Trail which finally saw release in 2010.

The Outro

In 2013 Whitman died of heart failure on 19 June, aged 90.

The Info

Written by

Rudolf Friml, Herbert Stothart, Otto Harbach & Oscar Hammerstein II

Producer

Lew Chudd

Weeks at number 1

11 (29 July-13 October)

Trivia

Births

14 August: Actress Gillian Taylforth
1 September: The Jam bassist Bruce Foxton
3 September: Sex Pistols guitarist  Steve Jones
16 September: Children’s television presenter Janet Ellis
20 September: Actor David Haig
2 October: Human League singer Phil Oakey
9 October: Athlete Steve Ovett 

Deaths

16 September: Conservative MP Leo Amery

Meanwhile…

27 August: The Guinness Book of Records was first published.

4 September: BBC newsreaders were seen on television reading reports for the first time. The two in question were Richard Baker and Kenneth Kendall, who became celebrities themselves in time.

14 September: Airfix produced their first scale model aircraft kit.

22 September: ITV began, in London only. The first advert shown is for Gibbs’ SR toothpaste.

26 September: Clarence Birdseye started selling fish fingers in the UK.

1. Al Martino – Here in My Heart (1952)

The Intro

So, we begin. Going back, back, way back in time, before boy and girl bands, before dance, punk, psychedelia, The Beatles and rock’n’roll, to a smog-ridden UK on 14 November 1952.

Before

Winston Churchill’s Conservatives had been back in power a year, following Labour’s huge socialist changes to the country after World War Two under Clement Atlee, and Elizabeth II had ascended to the throne earlier that year (that’s right, she’s been Queen longer than the charts have existed). That March, Maurice Kinn and Percy Dickins bought the Musical Express and Accordion Weekly, transforming it into the New Musical Express (wish it had kept that name). Dickins had been following what Billboard were doing with their chart system in the US, and decided to follow suit, with the charmingly antiquated and inaccurate system of ringing around 20 record stores around the country to find out what vinyl 78s were selling the most. He compiled a top 12 (Why 12? Who knows?) and thus US singer and actor Al Martino made history.

Martino was born Jasper Cini in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on 7 October 1927. His parents were Italian immigrants who ran a construction business, and he worked as a bricklayer along with his brothers. But the young Cini aspired to be a singer and would emulate heroes like Perry Como and Al Jolson. Key to his ambitions was family friend Mario Lanza, who had become popular and encouraged Cini to follow in his footsteps.

Cini served with the United States Navy during World War Two, and after the war was over, Lanza suggested he try singing in local nightclubs. He adopted the stage name Al Martino and moved to New York in 1948, recording for the Jubilee label.

In a sense, Martino was the singles chart’s original X Factor-style success story. In 1952, he won first place on the TV show Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts, which earned him a recording contract to record this single.

After reaching number 1 in the US, Here in My Heart remained at number 1 for nine consecutive weeks in the fledgling UK top 12, making it the only chart-topper of 1952, and therefore, the first Christmas number 1, too. Only eight other tracks have lasted longer – Bryan Adams’s (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Wet Wet Wet’s cover of Love is All Around, One Dance by Drake, David Whitfield’s Cara Mia, Rihanna’s Umbrella, I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston, Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You and current number 1, Dance Monkey by Tones and I.

Review

https://youtu.be/LfXU-UZZ4p4

It’s hard to see the huge appeal of Here in my Heart now. All the tracks above have their critics (me amongst them), but you can see how they did well. Martino’s track is a maudlin, melancholy piece of pop-opera (popera?) in which he shows off his vocal range to a slushy string-laden backing. The tune is forgotten as soon as the track ends, but to a country still suffering trauma from a terrible war, it may have provided some succour to the UK in the early 50s.

After

Martino signed with Capitol Records soon after, and the Mafia took an interest in him too, buying out his management and ordering him to pay thousands to them as a ‘safeguard’. Martino did what he was told, but wisely decided to move to the UK afterwards.

The chart hits continued here until 1955, but he had little exposure in his home country. Fortunately a family friend intervened and Martino returned to the US in 1958, but it wasn’t easy to resume his career thanks to the impact of rock’n’roll. The Exciting Voice of Al Martino, his 1962 LP, helped turn his fortunes around.

The following year he scored another big single in the US with his version of I Love You Because, and in 1966 he had his final top 10 hit on these shores with Spanish Eyes.

Martino’s run-in with the Mafia took on a whole new meaning when he played Johnny Fontane in The Godfather (1972) and sang the theme tune, Speak Softly Love. He would return to the role in The Godfather Part III in 1990.

The Outro

The first ever UK number 1 singles star continued to record and perform into the 21st century. Al Martino died of a heart attack on 13 October 2009, aged 82.

The Info

Written by

Pat Genaro, Lou Levinson & Bill Borrelli

Producer

Voyle Gilmore

Weeks at number 1

9 (14 November 1952-15 January 1953)

Trivia

Births

3 December 1952: Comedian Mel Smith
10 December: TV presenter Clive Anderson
20 December: Actress Jenny Agutter
4 January 1953: Journalist and politician Jackie Ballard/Director and producer Richard Boden

Meanwhile…

25 November: Agatha Christie’s play The Mousetrap began its run at the New Ambassador Theatre in London.

4-9 December: The Great Smog of London enveloped the capital, causing approximately 4000 deaths.

12 December: The fondly remembered children’s TV show Flower Pot Men, chronicling the adventures of Bill and Ben, debuted on the BBC Television service.

25 December: Queen Elizabeth II  made her first ever Christmas speech to the Commonwealth, sat in the same chair as George V and George VI before her.