Peter Sutcliffe

479. Adam and the Ants – Stand & Deliver! (1981)

/ robbarker1979

The Intro

Adam and the Ants captivated children of the 80s – myself included. Adam Ant was my first ever musical hero, and where my love of music began. Here’s how a new wave band with niche appeal became a sensation and shot to number 1 for the first time with Stand and Deliver!.

Before

Adam Ant was born Stuart Leslie Goddard in Marylebone, London on 3 November 1954. Goddard’s grandfather on his mother’s side was Romanichal, which planted the seed of protecting minorities that would become a common theme in Goddard’s music.

His parents divorced when he was seven, and his mother worked as a domestic cleaner to make ends meet. In 1967, she briefly cleaned Paul McCartney’s house, and her son later vividly recalled going round there after school.

Goddard was educated at Robinsfield Infants School, where he got into trouble by throwing a brick through the headmaster’s office on two consecutive days. Ironically, this proved to be a wise move, as he was placed under the supervision of a teacher who encouraged his creative side.

At Barrow Hill Junior School, Goddard enjoyed boxing and cricket. He passed his A-plus and went to St Marylebone Grammar School, an all-boys school, where he became a prefect and gained three A-levels. Next was Hornsey College of Art, where he studied graphic design. But before he could complete his BA, he was swayed by a growing love of music, and he dropped out.

Goddard joined the pub rock band Bazooka Joe in 1975 as their bassist. Although the band also featured John Ellis, who became one of The Vibrators, they are most famous for being the headliners of the first ever Sex Pistols gig, at Central St Martins College of Art and Design on 6 November. Goddard was fascinated by the Pistols, while the rest of Bazooka Joe disagreed so strongly, he decided to leave the group and an idea began to form.

Under his new guise, Ant (named ‘Adam’ after the first man and ‘Ant’ after a creature that would survive a nuclear explosion) formed the B-Sides, featuring lead guitarist Lester Square and Andy Warren. On 23 April 1977, with drummer Paul Flanagan, they became The Ants, holding their first band meeting at a Siouxsie and the Banshees gig at the Roxy in Covent Garden. Ant was in the right place at the right time, as the punk scene was exploding, and he became close friends with Jordan, who worked at Malcolm McLaren and Vivienne Westwood’s SEX boutique. She soon became his band’s manager.

Square only lasted a month before leaving to concentrate on his course at art school, though he later formed The Monochrome Set. He was replaced by Mark Ryan, and The Ants began performing regularly around London. Flanagan was replaced in early June by Dave ‘Barbe’ Barbarossa, and The Ants entered a studio for the first time, recording Deutscher Girls and Beat My Guest. These two songs featured in Derek Jarman’s drama Jubilee (1978), in which Ant made his acting debut as The Kid. The Ants sacked Ryan, replaced him with Johnny Bivouac, and became Adam and the Ants.

The leather-clad, post-punk Adam and the Ants had a penchant for controversial fetishist imagery, and were unpopular with the music press, but they gained a cult following. 1978 was a big year, as they made their radio debut, recording a session for John Peel in January. Jordan featured on vocals for their final track Lou, which she used to do regularly at their gigs, but she quit as their manager in May and a day later, Bivouac left the band, to be replaced by Matthew Ashman.

Adam and the Ants recorded a second Peel session in July and at the end of the month they signed a two-single deal with Decca Records. Young Parisians was released in October, but plans for a follow-up were shelved by Decca.

A third Peel session was recorded in March 1979, and the band signed with independent label Do It Records. Second single Zerox was released in July and a month later they began recording their debut album, written and produced by Ant. Soon after, he sacked Ashman and Warren, and the latter joined The Monochrome Set, but Ashman was allowed back. Warren was replaced by Lee Gorman. The LP, Dirk Wears White Sox ( a reference to actor Dirk Bogarde), was released in November. It’s an interesting album, but don’t expect any of the brilliant pop that was around the corner. It did however make it to number 1 on the fledgling UK Independent Albums Chart that launched in early January 1980.

Ant asked Malcolm McLaren to take over as manager of the band, and the former Sex Pistols manager proved to inadvertently have a positive effect on Ant’s career. How? By dropping him and stealing his band. By the end of January, McLaren had persuaded Ashman, Gorman and Barbe to jump ship and join his new group, Bow Wow Wow. Their lead singer was 13-year-old Annabella Lwin, who was briefly joined by George O’Dowd before he became better known as Boy George. Whether Ant

Undeterred, Ant went looking for new Ants. Marco Pirroni, who had been one of Siouxsie’s Banshees, became the new guitarist. They were briefly joined by future Culture Club drummer Jon Moss (using the name Terry 1+2) to remake Dirk Wears White Sox opener Cartrouble as a contractual obligation for Do It, with Pirroni also on bass. The single was produced by Chris Hughes, who Ant subsequently asked to become his new drummer.

Kevin Mooney picked up bass duties, and unusually, there were now two drummers as Terry Lee Miall also joined the band. Ant was to co-write the new material with Pirroni and they signed a publishing deal with EMI. They worked on new material at Matrix Studios and went on the Ant Invasion tour while Ant took the new material to prospective record companies.

The change in direction was startling. Ant and Pirroni used Hughes (now known as Merrick) and Miall to create Burundi-style African drumming to underpin a new sound that was a commercial yet unique mix of pop and new wave. They ditched the leathers and instead of a monochrome look they added tons of colour, dressing as pirates with Native American make-up, and looking and sounding not unlike Johnny Kidd and the Pirates.

Whether these ideas were stolen from McLaren (as their former manager claimed) or vice versa, Ant, who was always incredibly handsome and charismatic, now looked and sounded like a real pop star. It wouldn’t take long to persuade the public he was, either.

Kings of the Wild Frontier was their next single, and what a call to arms it was. Over that soon to become familiar Burundi beat and Pirroni’s rockabilly guitar, Ant began his mission statement by chanting ‘A new Royal family, a wild nobility, we are the family’. He also sang about Native American suffering and declared ‘Antpeople are the warriors, Antmusic is our banner!’ Tremendous stuff, that somehow only scraped into the charts at 48 that summer.

In October came their next single, Dog Eat Dog, which streamlined the formula into a more chart-friendly format. This song, about bands in competition with one another and inspired by a phrase used by Margaret Thatcher, deservedly went all the way to number four.

The following month saw the release of their first hit LP. Kings of the Wild Frontier proved Adam and the Ants weren’t going to be a one-hit wonder. Released as the New Romantic movement was exploding, it contained another mission statement in Antmusic, which peaked at number two in January 1981, being held off the top spot by Imagine in the wake of John Lennon’s death.

Adam and the Ants were so popular, Decca and Do It rushed to plunder their earlier material for a cash grab. Incredibly, Young Parisians climbed to nine. In February the band performed on The Royal Variety Show in a spellbinding performance that caused Ant to shout at Mooney at the close for seemingly going off script. It would be Mooney’s last performance with the Ants, and Gary Tibbs, who had starred in Breaking Glass (1980), took his place. A re-release of the single Kings of the Wild Frontier soared to two.

The band set to work on what was to be the final Adam and the Ants album. Prince Charming’s lead single was to be Stand and Deliver!, in which Ant adopted a new image as ‘the dandy highwayman that you’re too scared to mention’. Ant was a history buff and loved the Georgian era of bawdy flamboyance. He saw it as a perfect vehicle for ‘looking flash and grabbing your attention. And it definitely worked.

Inspiration may have come from several places, including the film The Charge of the Light Brigade (1968), the Monty Python’s Flying Circus 1973 sketch ‘Dennis Moore’, Carry on Dick (1974) – the final entry in the series to star Sid James – and the London Weekend Television series Dick Turpin, that was running on ITV at the time.

Review

It was inevitable that Stand and Deliver! should become Ant’s first number 1, after several near misses. The drums are toned down from previous singles, now providing an exciting underpinning to pure brilliant pop, and Pirroni’s guitar is more modern than the rockabilly sounds of what came before.

There’s memorable vocal hook after hook here, too. If it’s not the opening line, or the triumphant chorus, or the ‘HUH’ after the drums in the chorus, it’s the nonsensical but suitably camp ‘Fa diddley qua qua’ as the song draws to a close.

While you can argue Adam and the Ants were too retro or rock to be New Romantics, this song fits the template, as Ant bemoans the lack of colour and fantasy in pop music. The Blitz Kids may have preferred more electronic sounding music, but they’d have totally agreed with lines like ‘The way you look you’ll qualify for next year’s old-age pension’. And the idea of using fashion as a weapon – ‘Not a bullet or a knife’ will have greatly appealed. It certainly did to little young me, and boys across the country. Ant was already cool, but mutating into a Dick Turpin-style character was bloody genius. In the early 80s I thought Sid James in Carry on Dick was cool. Ant as similar? Simply mind-blowing.

To change from edgy S&M stylings to cartoon childhood heroics is quite a transformation, but Ant more than pulled it off. As a child, he was just amazing. Incredibly handsome, charismatic, flamboyant and fun, Ant was a cartoon hero brought to life. I may have missed out on Beatlemania and Flower Power, glam rock and punk, but I feel proud to have been a young boy when Ant was at the height of his fame.

In theory I was too young – I was only two when this was number 1. But I can remember leaping from chair to settee in our living room to Adam and the Ants’ videos, and there’s a photo of me proudly holding an Ants’ single. So the band must have already split by the time I was in love with them, so brief was their fame. But listening to this and watching the video now, it’s clear that Adam and the Ants could only ever be huge for a short time – in a similar way to early T Rex. But what a time!

Ashes to Ashes may have heralded the start of the rise of music videos in the 80s, but with Stand and Deliver!, Ant grabs the torch and gallops away with it. Ant worked with director Mike Mansfield to create ‘a Hollywood movie in three minutes’, and they certainly succeeded. Ant is going round holding up mirrors to his victims – including a man who looks scarily similar to Boycie from Only Fools and Horses, which started this same year. The video, which also features Ant’s then-girlfriend Amanda Donohoe, climaxes with our hero about to be hanged before escaping with the rest of the Ants, and then ends with a topless Ant staring at himself in the mirror, alone. What did this mean? Was it Ant contemplating his own lyrics? Was it his true self, behind the mock heroics? Or was it just a chance to look hot and make his female fans swoon? Whatever it was, it hinted at the title track of their last LP, and next number 1.

After

Stand and Deliver! was an instant smash, debuting at number 1 and staying there for five weeks. It was the third biggest-selling single of 1981, and solidified Ant as a household name that year.

The Outro

20 years later, a troubled Ant made a well-meaning but ill-advised new version of his first number 1, called Save the Gorilla. Ant was trying to raise awareness of the plight of mountain gorillas in Central Africa, and the production is decent enough, but an overweight Ant trying to squeeze his new lyrics into one of his classics just seemed a bit silly. Pirroni helped to block its release.

The Info

Written by

Adam Ant & Marco Pirroni

Producer

Chris Hughes

Weeks at number 1

5 (9 May-12 June)

Trivia

Births

13 May: Labour Party MP Luciana Berger
15 May: Equestrienne Zara Phillips
16 May: Actor Joseph Morgan/Actor Jim Sturgess
17 May: Footballer Leon Osman
20 May: 5ive pop star Sean Conlon
22 May: Comedian Sara Pascoe
26 May: Broadcaster James Wong
29 May: Rugby union player Rochelle Clark
9 June: Backstroke swimmer Helen Don-Duncan/Scottish football plater Alex Neil/Musician Anoushka Shankar
11 June: Scottish field hockey goalkeeper Alistair McGregor

Deaths

9 May: Footballer Ralph Allen/Socialite Doris Harcourt
10 May: Conservative Party MP Geoffrey Stevens
15 May: Liberal Party MP Margery Corbett Ashby
17 May: Classical scholar WKC Guthrie
18 May: Novelist Verity Bargate
19 May: Ornithologist Collingwood Ingram
23 May: Radio producer Rayner Heppenstall
24 May: Actor Jack Warner
27 May: Scientist Kit Pedler/Philologist Anne Pennington
28 May: Archaeologist John Bryan Ward-Perkins
29 May: Organist John Dykes Bower
31 May: Economist Barbara Ward, Baroness Jackson of Lodsworth
10 June: Welsh journalist Sir Trevor Evans

Meanwhile…

9 May: The 100th FA Cup final at Wembley Stadium ends as a 1-1 draw between Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur. 

11 May: Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical Cats debuts at New London Theatre.

12 May: 25-year-old Francis Hughes becomes the second IRA hunger striker to die in Northern Ireland.

13 May: The New Cross fire inquest returns an open verdict on the thirteen people who died as a result of their injuries in the New Cross fire.

14 May: Spurs are victorious in the FA Cup final replay with a 3-2 win. It’s the sixth time they’ve won the trophy.

15 May: The Brixton riots inquiry opens.

19 May: Peter Sutcliffe is found guilty of 13 charges of murder, and a further seven attempted murders.

21 May: The IRA hunger strike claims two more deaths – Raymond McCreesh (24) and Patrick O’Hara (23).

22 May: Peter Sutcliffe is sentenced to life imprisonment.

27 May: Liverpool FC becomes the first British team to win the European Cup for the third time, defeating Real Madrid 1-0 at Parc des Princes in Paris.

30 May: More than 100,000 people march to Trafalgar Square in London for the Trade Union Congress’s (TUC’s) March For Jobs.

3 June: Sherman wins the Epsom Derby.

11 June: Queen Elizabeth II opens the NatWest Tower.

478. Bucks Fizz – Making Your Mind Up (1981)

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The Intro

One of the most enduring pop images of the early 80s is the skirt-ripping routine of 1981 Eurovision Song Contest winners Bucks Fizz. This is the story of how their entry, Making Your Mind Up, brought about their creation and became their first of three number 1 singles.

Before

Allegedly, songwriter Andy Hill wrote Making Your Mind Up in 1980 with a view to entering it in the UK’s Eurovision qualifying contest, A Song for Europe. Hill’s girlfriend, singer Nichola Martin, suggested Hill team up with a musician called John Danter, who she could sign up to her publishing company, which would enable her to own half the rights to the song, as Hill was signed elsewhere. Hill had been a member of Rags, a group who failed to win the 1977 A Song for Europe.

That October, Hill and Martin recorded a demo with the singer Mike Nolan, who had worked with the latter before. Nolan had been in the boyband Brooks, who were put together by Freya Miller, who became Shakin’ Stevens‘ manager. Another original member of Brooks was Chris Hamill, later known as Limahl.

Two months after the demo was recorded, Making Your Mind Up was selected out of 591 submitted entries to be one of the eight finalists. Martin had decided to name the performer as ‘Buck’s Fizz’, in honour of her favourite drink, so when she discovered the song had been picked, she needed to act fast and create a group featuring Nolan.

In January 1981, Martin contacted Cheryl Baker, who she remembered from the 1978 Eurovision group Co-Co. Baker had previously been in the band Bressingham Spire, which also featured the soon-to-be Radio 1 DJ Mike Read. Worried that Baker, disillusioned after Co-Co’s loss, may say no, Martin also auditioned for another female vocalist, plus a second male singer. The winners were Jay Aston and Stephen Fischer. When Baker agreed to take part, Martin decided to keep Aston anyway, as her vocal complemented Baker’s well. Aston had trained to be a dancer and actress, as well as a singer, and had taken part in the 1978 Miss England contest, where the act during the interval had been Co-Co.

Fischer threw a spanner in the works when it turned out he was contracted to appear in the musical Godspell, so he was out. A year later Fischer was the male member of the duo Bardo, who came seventh in Eurovision with the song One Step Further (a number two hit).

Martin found a replacement in Bobby G, a singer/guitarist/actor who had impressed in previous editions. On 11 January 1981, Bucks Fizz (what happened to the apostrophe?) met for the first time and Jill Shirley, who had been in Rags with Martin, agreed to be their manager. This meant Martin and Hill could now concentrate on their own entry for A Song for Europe, Have You Ever Been in Love?.

During rehearsals for Making Your Mind Up, the attention-grabbing skirt ripping routine during the lyric ‘see some more’ was hit upon. But by who, remains a mystery. It could have been routine choreographer Chrissie Wickham, formerly of Hot Gossip, who spent two days with the group. Martin, Baker and Aston have all laid claim to the concept too. I’d personally go with Martin, as the Top of the Pops performance that Rags made in 1977 when promoting Promises Promises has something rather similar as they remove their, er, rags.

Martin and Shirley scored a recording deal for Bucks Fizz with RCA Records, and Hill went with the group to record Making Your Mind Up at Mayfair Studios in London. The record, featuring Alan Carvell on backing vocals, was done and dusted in a week.

Review

I have a lot of time for Making Your Mind Up and I feel no shame. It’s pure cheese of course, but it’s so bloody charming and fun. The lyrics are mostly nonsensical – aren’t most Eurovision entries? But, there is some meaning in there – it seems to be about someone playing the field that might have found someone to stick with, but they need to stop being indecisive.

Not that the words really matter when you have a tune like this on your hands. Making Your Mind Up is so sugary sweet, it was always going to go down well at home, and abroad – and the latter is helped by what sounds like an accordion in the latter half.

This is one of those songs that defies analysis, really. It’s pure pop and if you can’t enjoy it, you may be dead inside. It’s leagues ahead of the other UK winners before this point, and I prefer it to Waterloo, too. And Bucks Fizz were the perfect vehicle to promote this song. You’ve got the Ken dolls, Nolan and G, for the girls, Baker has mumsy appeal for the mums and grans, and Aston was very popular with the dads – as was the skirt-ripping when they sing ‘If you wanna see some more’ the last time.

That routine of course featured in the official video for Making Your Mind Up, which starts with the group cheekily waving their arses for an adoring crowd before breaking into song and dance. There’s no bells or whistles here – it’s for all intents and purposes a Top of the Pops or Eurovision performance, really.

After

On 11 March, Bucks Fizz won A Song for Europe, beating even Liquid Gold, a popular act at the time. A Top of the Pops performance followed, which helped the single enter the charts at 24, before soaring to five a week later.

Eurovision was held at the RDS Simmonscourt in Dublin on 4 April 1981. Bucks Fizz performed 14th that evening, and despite a rather off-key performance (which may or may not have been down to nerves or a mic mix-up), they became the fourth winners from the UK, after Sandie Shaw, Lulu and Brotherhood of Man. Two weeks later, Making Your Mind Up became the third UK winner to then become number 1. The record eventually sold four million worldwide, and Bucks Fizz were one of the hottest groups of 1981.

The Outro

In 2013, BBC Radio 2 listeners voted Bucks Fizz’s debut the best Eurovision entry of all time. The skirt-rip routine was spoofed endlessly, has appeared in numerous Eurovision entries since 1981, and was even copied by Mick Jagger and Tina Turner at Live Aid in 1985.

The Info

Written by

Andy Hill & John Danter

Producer

Andy Hill

Weeks at number 1

3 (18 April-8 May)

Trivia

Births

23 April: Actress Gemma Whelan
25 April: Paralympian sprinter John McFall
3 May: Charlie Brooks
5 May: Singer Craig David

Deaths

19 April: Labour Party MP Colin Jackson
21 April: Antiques caretaker Dorothy Eady/Pianist Ivor Newton/Electrical engineer Lesley Souter
22 April: Liberal Party politician Philip Rea, 2nd Baron Rea
23 April: Olympic rower Sir James Angus Gillan
24 April: Mathematician JCP Miller
25 April: Indologist Isaline Blew Horner
26 April: Robert Garioch
28 April: T Rex bassist Steve Currie/Educationalist Marjorie Rackstraw/Businessman Bernard Mason
1 May: Actor Barry Jones
2 May: Unionist politician Joseph Foster
4 May: Zoologist Alan William Greenwood
5 May: IRA member Bobby Sands (see ‘Meanwhile…‘)
6 May: Film director Gordon Parry

Meanwhile…

20 April: Steve Davis, 23, wins the World Snooker Championship for the first time.
Also on this day, skirmishes break out in Finsbury Park, Forest Green and Ealing in London. 100 people are arrested and 15 police officers are injured.

23 April: Unemployment passes the 2,500,000 mark.

29 April: Peter Sutcfliffe admits to the manslaughter of 13 women, on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

5 May: 27-year-old republican and Provisional IRA member Bobby Sands died following his hunger strike in Northern Ireland’s Maze Prison, one month after becoming MP for Fermanagh and South Tyrone.
Also on this day, Peter Sutcliffe’s trial begins at the Old Bailey in London.

7 May: Labour’s Ken Livingstone becomes leader of the Greater London Council.

474. John Lennon – Woman (1981)

/ robbarker1979

The Intro

John Lennon’s tender ballad Woman was the first single released after his murder, and his third and final solo number 1. This touching tribute to his wife Yoko Ono served as a sequel of sorts to Girl, from The Beatles’ Rubber Soul. Ironically, it was the first time an artist had replaced themselves at number 1 since I Want to Hold Your Hand replaced She Loves You in 1963.

Before

Only three days before he was shot dead, Lennon told Rolling Stone that he was inspired to write Woman ‘one sunny afternoon in Bermuda’. It suddenly hit him how much women are taken for granted, and Lennon – whose relationships with women were certainly complex, right back to his feelings for his mother – decided to pay tribute to Ono. Ironically, considering the blame Ono wrongly got for breaking up his old band, he considered Woman the most Beatles-sounding track on his final album, Double Fantasy. This track is also the only example of a song title used by both Lennon and Paul McCartney for their own separate songs. McCartney’s Woman, written in 1966 under the pseudonym Bernard Webb, was recorded by folk duo Peter and Gordon.

Lennon’s Woman was recorded at sessions on 5 and 27 August, and 8 and 22 September 1980. In addition to lead vocal, he also played an acoustic guitar. Joining him were Earl Slick and Hugh McCracken on guitar, Tony Levin on bass, George Small on piano and synthesiser, Andy Newmark on drums, Arthur Jenkins on percussion, and Michelle Simpson, Ritchie Family members Cassandra Wooten and Cheryl Mason Jacks, and Eric Troyer on backing vocals.

Review

Woman was the highlight of Double Fantasy. The LP is often guilty of being too slick, but the glossy production works in favour of this track, rather than against it. Although Lennon considered it a sequel to Girl, it’s lyrically similar to Jealous Guy. He’s directly apologising to Ono again for past behaviour (perhaps the ‘Lost Weekend’?), but also paying tribute to all women. It would be nice to think, after the stories of his sometimes violent history with women, that this was Lennon at his most honest and contrite.

Opening with a barely audible ‘For the other half of the sky’, there’s sterling synth work from Small, and warm Beatles-like guitar from Slick and McCracken. Somehow, despite the sheen, the swooning backing vocals, and the lack of decent lyrics in the chorus, it’s lovely and really charming. And inevitably, this single gained huge added poignancy following Lennon’s death. A fitting Valentine’s Day number 1, indeed.

But what was going on with that chorus? ‘Ooooh, well well, do-do-do-do-do’ was surely a placeholder that Lennon and Ono decided to leave in? And they say McCartney missed Lennon’s quality control…

Speaking of quality control, I have to mention the official video to Woman. I’m in genuine shock. Ono edited the video in January, and understandably, she will have been in pieces. However, the video veers from touching, with footage of the couple in Central Park two months previous, to poor taste, including the pic of Lennon and his killer, lifted from a newspaper. But what’s really shocking is the image of Lennon’s side profile from the back of the Imagine album, made to morph into the last ever photo of Lennon – in the morgue. Unbelievably, this remains in the official video on YouTube.

After

Woman was the last solo number 1 for John Lennon. However, the outpouring of emotion after his death resulted in Roxy Music’s cover of Jealous Guy knocking Joe Dolce Music Theatre from the top spot. Inevitably, people moved on from their grief, and the next single, Watching the Wheels, only peaked at 30.

Three years later, Ono was finally able to work on Milk and Honey, which was the couple’s next projected LP. Lennon’s work was inevitably a little rough and ready as it had been tragically left unfinished, but Nobody Told Me – originally meant for Ringo Starr – was a number six hit. The follow-up, Borrowed Time, was his last original charting single, making it to 32.

Reissues of Jealous Guy and Imagine failed to reach the top 40 in the 80s, but in the 90s the legend of The Beatles grew in stature once more, thanks in part to Britpop and a newfound appreciation of 60s guitar groups. This coincided with the Anthology project, where Lennon’s 1977 demo of Free as a Bird, and 1979 home recording of Real Love, were transformed into ‘new’ Beatles recordings, courtesy of the surviving members and producer Jeff Lynne. Amazingly, neither went to number 1.

In 2010 a new ‘Stripped Down’ version of Double Fantasy was released. The aim was to remove some of the studio gloss of the original album, and sometimes this worked well. Not with Woman. Part of this song’s appeal was in the production. The 2010 version, shorn of sheen, simply sounded like a demo, not a remix. However, it’s noteworthy that you can hear Lennon drawing his breath in at the close, seemingly a deliberate nod to Girl.

Thanks to AI sound-limiting technology used in Peter Jackson’s excellent Get Back project, McCartney finally felt he could finish Now and Then, the Lennon demo from around 1977 that had been started for Anthology 3 before Harrison refused to continue. Hearing Lennon’s voice, shorn of rough-and-ready ghostly tape echo a la those Anthology 1 and 2 songs, was a beautiful, spine-chilling moment. In 2023, 54 years after The Ballad of John and Yoko, The Beatles were back at number 1.

The Outro

For many years, Lennon’s many flaws (and to be fair, he was very vocal about his failings in his lifetime) were forgotten and because his life was cut tragically short, he became a bona fide icon. A Godlike figure, who age did not dull. The cool, edgy Beatle – which understandably irked McCartney to a degree.

But Lennon’s stature has fallen somewhat in today’s cancel culture. McCartney is often now considered the cool one, his family focused lifestyle now attracting plaudits where he was once laughed at. Lennon may very well have been a nightmare in the age of social media, and his musical comeback may have soon resulted in bland MOR pop (the signs were certainly there in some of Double Fantasy).

However, the truth is more complex than that. Lennon was a troubled man and also one of the greatest singer-songwriters there has ever been – anyone arguing he is the greatest would have a very good argument. The extent to which he was mourned when he passed, and his influence on the era’s number 1s, is more than justified.

The Info

Written by

John Lennon

Producers

John Lennon, Yoko Ono & Jack Douglas

Weeks at number 1

2 (7-20 February)

Trivia

Births

8 February: Actor Ralf Little
9 February: Actor Tom Hiddleston
10 February: TV presenter Holly Willoughby
17 February: Conservative MP Andrew Stephenson

Deaths

10 February: Civil engineer Sir Hubert Shirley-Smith
12 February: Tennis player Murray Deloford
13 February: Writer Eric Whelpton
17 February: David Garnett
18 February: Comic impressionist Peter Cavanagh
19 February: Actress Olive Gilbert/Conservative MP Leonard Plugge
20 February: Cricketer Brian Sellers

Meanwhile…

9 February: Shirley Williams resigns from Labour’s national executive committee. 

12 February: The purchase of The Times and Sunday Times newspapers by Rupert Murdoch from The Thomson Corporation is confirmed.
Also on this day, Ian Paisley is suspended from the House of Commons for four days after he calls the Northern Ireland Secretary a liar.

13 February: The National Coal Board announces widespread pit closures.

15 February: For the first time, Football League matches take place on a Sunday.

16 February: Two are jailed in connection with the death of industrialist Thomas Niedermayer who had been kidnapped by the Provisional IRA in 1973.

18 February: The Conservative government withdraws plans to close 23 mines following negotiations with the National Union of Mineworkers.
Also on this day, Harold Evans is appointed editor of The Times.

20 February: Peter Sutcliffe is charged with the murder of 13 women.

472. St. Winifred’s School Choir – There’s No One Quite Like Grandma (1980)

/ robbarker1979

The Intro

The shocking death of John Lennon in December 1980 saw the singles chart understandably awash with his material, old and new. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) was among them. And yet, this novelty song by St Winifred’s School Choir become Christmas number 1. Lennon’s murder proved the world could be an awful place. There’s No One Quite Like Grandma was the icing on this shit cake.

Before

St Winifred’s School Choir was formed at St Winifred’s Roman Catholic Primary School in Stockport in 1968. A local newspaper cutting from 1972 reveals that the choir first recorded that year, at 10cc’s local Strawberry Studios. Miss Olive Moore was their conductor, with Miss Terri Foley on guitar.

In 1978, the choir were selected to provide backing vocals on Brian and Michael’s Matchstalk Men and Matchstick Cats and Dogs (Lowry’s Song). Pupils sang The Big Ship Sails on the Alley-Alley-O as a counterpoint to the song’s chorus as it draws to a close. When the single became a surprise number 1, St Winifred’s School Choir got to appear on Top of the Pops. And that should have been the end of it.

The choir’s brush with fame (pun intended) saw them signed to EMI’s Music for Pleasure (MFP) in 1979. MFP was a budget label, often releasing cheap compilations or re-recordings of popular film and TV soundtracks. Popular with the older record buyer, and families, it was a natural home for St Winifred’s School Choir. Referred to as ‘The Matchstalk Children’ on the sleeve of their debut single, Bread and Fishes, the children were arranged in a circle – boys in blue, girls in pink – with Miss Foley (now credited as Chorus Master) strumming away next to Sister Aquinas – the ‘Management’. MFP were so cheap, the sleeve was reused for their debut LP, And the Children Sing – which featured covers of Any Dream Will Do and Mull of Kintyre.

In 1980, their second album, My Very Own Party Record, featured wall-to-wall bangers like If You’re Happy and You Know It and London Bridge. Most likely with one eye on the Christmas market, and remembering how well 1971 number 1 Grandad had performed, they chose There’s No One Quite Like Grandma.

Gorden Lorenz had been a travelling evangelist before turning to music, where he learned his way around the recording studio by writing music for Border Television to be used between their daytime shows. In 1980, Lorenz saw an opportunity to cash in on the Queen Mother’s 80th birthday. He wrote There’s No One Quite Like Grandma and sent a demo to EMI, despite not being convinced himself that it was any good. At first they turned it down. However, one day he received a call from the managing director, who said they couldn’t get the chorus out of my mind, and he suggested they put it out at Christmas. Using St Winifred’s School Choir, fresh from their Top of the Pops appearance, was an evil masterstroke, designed to tug at the heartstrings.

Review

There are no positives to mention when discussing There’s No One Quite Like Grandma. The worst number 1 in many years, and the worst festive chart-topper of the 80s, is an abomination, plain and simple.

It’s painful to listen to, with wretched production, and is an example of how shameless and cynical the music business could be and would become. That it kept Happy Xmas (War Is Over) and Stop the Cavalry from the Christmas number 1 spot makes it even more awful.

The lyrics are abysmal, and read like one of those awful poems you occasionally see on Angry People in Local Newspapers. The children singing on the record could probably create better rhymes than Lorenz did. Your honour, I give you:

‘There’s no one quite like Grandma,
She always has a smile,
She never hurries us along,
But stays a little while’

Worst of all is the lead vocal by Dawn Ralph. Of course, that’s not her fault, she was just a little girl with the kind of sickly sweet, short-tongued voice that fitted the bill perfectly. But without getting too personal, her performance on that Top of the Pops appearance above reminds me of the twin girls in The Shining. It gives me chills, and I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way.

Dreary, vapid and queasy, There’s No One Quite Like Grandma is a throwback to the novelty number 1s of the early years of the charts, such as Lita Roza’s (How Much Is) That Doggie in the Window?. 1980 was a bumper year for chart-toppers – 25 in fact. There’s No One Quite Like Grandma is easily the worst of the year and the earliest frontrunner for worst of the decade. On the plus, side, my youngest daughter asked me what I was writing about, so I showed her the clip, and she thought Ralph was singing ‘No-one fights like Grandma’. Now there’s an idea for a sequel.

After

St Winifred’s School Choir’s reign was mercifully short – lasting only a fortnight. Such was the magnitude of Lennon’s death, the end of the festive season saw his records ruling the roost again. But at least their Christmas number 1 helped to pay for new carpets and classroom facilities at the school.

Thankfully, St Winifred’s proved to be a one-hit wonder, though the choir continued recording albums until 1985’s 20 All-Time Children’s Favourites.

However, in 1986 came It’s ‘Orrible Being in Love (When You’re 8 ½), credited to Claire and Friends. Claire and her pals went to St Winifred’s, and the song was written by Mick Coleman and produced by Kevin Parrott, AKA Brian and Michael. St Winifred’s School Choir provided backing vocals, though they were uncredited. The single reached 13, and is no doubt also hard work, but because I was seven when it was released, I can’t help but have a soft spot for it. That’s nostalgia for you.

In 1990, St Winifred’s School Choir teamed up with Ziba Banafsheh to record the single A Better World, in aid of Mother Theresa of Calcutta’s charity. Three years later they were uncredited for their performance on Bill Tarmey’s (Coronation Street‘s Jack Duckworth) cover of Barry Manilow’s One Voice, produced by Mike Stock and Pete Waterman.

In 2009, 14 of the 1980 line-up teamed up to re-record There’s No One Quite Like Grandma, produced by drinks company Innocent in aid of Help the Aged and Age Concern.

The Outro

Among the choir responsible for the original There’s No One Quite Like Grandma were two who became actresses. Most famous is Sally Lindsay, who starred in Coronation Street as Shelley Unwin. The other, Jennifer Hennessy, starred in The Office and Doctor Who. Neither were involved in the remake, and nor was Ralph, who refuses to give interviews. Can’t blame her.

The Info

Written by

Gordon Lorenz

Producer

Peter Tattersall

Weeks at number 1

2 (27 December 1980-9 January 1981)

Trivia

6 January 1981: Novelist Andrew Britton

Deaths

27 December 1980: Golfer Eric Green/Golfer Arthur Havers
29 December: Jazz pianist Lennie Felix/Businessman John Wall, Baron Wall
31 December: Marxist philosopher Maurice Cornforth
2 January 1981: Actor Victor Carin
3 January: Princess Alice, Countess of Athlone
4 January: Royal Navy captain Gordon Charles Steele
5 January: Aircraft engineer Sir James Martin
6 January: Aristocrat Ernestine Bowes-Lyon/Scottish novelist AJ Cronin/Labour Party MP Tom Litterick
7 January: Broadcaster Alvar Lidell
9 January: Racing driver Sammy Davies/Scottish artist William MacTaggart

Meanwhile…

28 December 1980: The Independent Broadcasting Authority (IBA) awarded TV-am the first ever breakfast television contract.

2 January 1981: 34-year-old lorry driver Peter Sutcliffe, from Bradford, was arrested in Sheffield. After two days of questioning in Dewsbury, he admitted he was the serial killer known as the Yorkshire Ripper.

4 January 1981: British Leyland workers voted to accept a peace formula in the Longbridge plant strike.

5 January: Sutcliffe was charged with the murder of 13 women and attempted murder of seven more between 1975 and 1980.
Also on this day, the TV adaptation of Douglas Adam’s radio series The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy began on BBC Two, while Norman St John-Stevas departed the Conservative Party Cabinet, to be replaced by Leon Brittan and Norman Fowler.

7 January: A parcel bomb addressed to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was intercepted.

8 January: A terrorist bomb attack happens on the RAF base at Uxbridge.