Queen Elizabeth II - Every UK Number 1

The Intro

The bestselling single of 1980 had a controversial subject matter and was The Police’s third number 1. Don’t Stand So Close to Me – the tale of a teacher’s Lolita-like relationship with a pupil – was made all the more eyebrow-raising due to the fact that singer Sting was a teacher before he was a pop star.

Before

Following their second number 1, Walking on the Moon, re-released their fourth single So Lonely, originally issued in 1978. As a pre-fame record it had failed to chart, but this time it peaked at six. A month after its release in February 1980, The Police embarked on their first world tour, performing in countries not used to western pop stars including India and Egypt. To capitalise on their global popularity, UK label A&M released Six Pack, a package featuring their previous five singles (including their first chart-topper, Message in a Bottle), plus an alternate take of album track The Bed’s Too Big Without You.

A&M seemingly couldn’t be satisfied by their biggest group of the moment, however, because they started pressuring The Police for a third album. Recorded in four weeks that July-August, the trio later said Zenyatta Mondatta was too rushed. Nonetheless, it was scheduled for an October release, to be preceded by lead single Don’t Stand So Close to Me on 19 September.

Before he was Sting, Gordon Sumner had taught English at St Paul’s First School in Cramlington, Northumberland. Sting has always understandably stated that Don’t Stand So Close to Me was not about him, but whether it came from experience of a scandal of a colleague, or was just inspired by his teaching career, we don’t know. Anyone who might think a handsome man like Sting may have had no shortage of schoolgirl fans might be right, but nobody has ever claimed the singer has also walked on the moon or been stranded on a desert island.

Review

Opening with a dark and brooding synth, Don’t Stand So Close to Me starts very strong. Sting’s lyrics are compelling and not the subject matter of your average pop song. The first verse is purely focused on the schoolgirl’s desire for the teacher. So far, so very good. But when it gets to the chorus, Don’t Stand So Close to Me goes downhill. While the verses are atmospheric, tense and foreboding, the workmanlike reggae of the chorus is perhaps a sign of the lack of time spent making this album. It’s like a demo recording – as is the instrumental section, featuring some more synth work that screams ‘this will do until we work out what goes here’, but they never went back to it.

Apparently however, The Police and producer Nigel Gray did work on this track for some time, with it initially tried out as a Hammond organ-based soul track. Several complex arrangements were tried, but, perhaps with the ticking of the clock in mind, they were abandoned and the band reverted to an earlier sound.

The second and third verses are strong, detailing the teacher’s lack of torment. However, you could say Sting tries harder to make the listener gain sympathy for the man here, mentioning ‘Temptation, frustration, so bad it makes him cry’. And the definite low point is:

‘It’s no use, he sees her, he starts to shake and cough,
Just like the old man in that book by Nabokov’.

You guessed it! The book in question is Lolita! Terrible, yet Sting later claimed to think it was ‘hilarious’ that he was given so much flak for it.

So the song ends with both student and teacher as the subject of gossip in the classroom and staffroom, and Sting pleading with his pupil to keep away, possibly partly to keep his temptation at bay, but also the rumours. The ending is overlong and if you’re not a fan of Sting’s attempt at reggae singing, Don’t Stand So Close to Me is not going to rank as their best number 1. In a year of so many chart-toppers, with the average duration at the top of the hit parade being only a fortnight, this doesn’t really deserve it’s lofty bestseller status.

The video is a typical Police promo. Sting does a decent job playing the stressed-out teacher, with a young girl hovering around him, while Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland probably revelled in the chance to wind him up by throwing paper aeroplanes and smoking in the classroom. This is intercut with the trio skanking around a schoolroom, with Copeland looking particularly silly holding his drumsticks. Mind you, Summers gives him a run for his money by dropping to his knees for a guitar solo that isn’t actually there. Sting’s adoring fans will have particularly enjoyed their hero getting his top off at one point (bit harsh him telling the girl to keep away when he’s behaving like that).

Don’t Stand So Close to Me has aged better than other similar Lolita-style songs, such as 1968 chart-topper Young Girl, but any sensitivity in which Sting broaches the subject matter quickly evaporates with that terrible rhyme, and nothing is resolved.

After

The melody to Don’t Stand So Close to Me found its way on to another huge 80s hit, when Dire Straits asked Sting to sing on the epic intro to Money for Nothing. Sting sang ‘I want my MTV’ to the tune, and after the release of the LP Money for Nothing, he received a co-writing credit.

The Outro

In 1984 The Police went on hiatus. Two years they reconvened, but the chance of a new album was doomed when Copeland broke his collarbone before they’d had chance to jam. Their final single was Don’t Stand So Close to Me ’86. Copeland and Sting fell out over what to use as drums, the former won out with his Fairlight CMI over the latter’s Synclavier. Unfortunately, while the idea of a reworked version showed a desire to breathe new life into an underworked song, this version is actually inferior. The production is too 80s, and the chorus less catchy. The video, directed by 10cc’s Godley and Creme, is one of the most comically mid-80s things you’ll ever see. The single made it to 24 after the group disbanded.

The Info

Written by

Sting

Producers

The Police & Andy Gray

Weeks at number 1

4 (27 September-24 October) *BEST-SELLING SINGLE OF THE YEAR*

Trivia

Births

5 October: Motorcycle racer James Toseland
13 October: Football player Scott Parker
14 October: Actor Ben Wishaw

Deaths

27 September: Banker Sir Michael Turner
28 September: Pianist Horace Finch
29 September: Labour Party MP Peter Mahon
30 September: Botanist James Wyllie Gregor/Conservationist George Waterston
6 October: Actress Hattie Jacques
7 October: Designer Sir Gordon Russell
10 October: Conservative MP Evelyn Emmet, Baroness Emmet of Amberley/Cricketer Wilfred Hill-Wood
11 October: Singer Cassie Walmer
12 October: Actress Ambrosine Phillpotts
14 October: Labour Party MP Arthur Pearson
15 October: Writer Katharine Mary Briggs
19 October: Radio producer DG Bridson
20 October: TV personality Isobel, Lady Barnett/Tennis player Phoebe Holcroft Watson
24 October: Conservative MP Sir Richard Glyn, 9th Baronet

Meanwhile…

3 October: The 1980 Housing Act came into effect, which gave council house tenants of three years or more in England and Wales the right to buy their home from their local council, at a discount.

6 October: Express coach services were deregulated.

8 October: British Leyland launched the Austin Metro.

10 October: Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher made her infamous ‘The lady’s not for turning’ speech at conference, after being warned her economic policy was to blame for the recession and record-breaking rising unemployment.

15 October: Former Prime Minister James Callaghan resigned as Labour Party leader after four and a half years in the job.
Also this day, former Prime Minister Harold Macmillan and union leaders criticised Thatcher’s economic policies.

17 October: Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to make a state visit to the Vatican.

22 October: Lord Thomson announced The Times and Sunday Times would close within five months unless a buyer was found.

24 October: MG car production ended.

The Intro

“Get down and get with it!” Wolverhampton glam rockers Slade are one of the most fondly remembered bands of the 70s. Six number 1s between 1971-73, 17 consecutive top 20 singles, and according to The British Hit Singles & Albums, they were the most successful British group of the decade for singles sales. And I’m only just getting round to mentioning Merry Xmas Everybody, which I picked as the greatest Christmas number 1 of all time here.

Before

All four members of Slade grew up in the Black Country area of the West Midlands. In 1964, drummer Don Powell, born and raised in Wolverhampton, was in a band with Dave Hill (born in Devon) called The Vendors. Meanwhile, Walsall’s Noddy Holder was guitarist and occasional singer with Steve Brett & the Mavericks. who released three records on Columbia in 1965.

The Vendors became The ‘N Betweens and gained momentum, supporting The Hollies and The Yardbirds, among others. Meeting on a ferry on the way to separate gigs in Germany, Powell and Hill tried to persuade Holder to join The ‘N Betweens, but he declined. Once they were all back home though, Holder changed his mind and became their lead singer. They had recently recruited multi-instrumentalist Jim Lea on bass, too.

By 1966 The ‘N Betweens had moved on from blues to a more R’n’B sound. They released their first single, a cover of The Young Rascals’ You Better Run, in 1966, produced by Kim Fowley, arranger of Nut Rocker.

They didn’t return to a studio for a few years, but in 1967, with flower power at its peak, Holder worked on an unnamed song with a chorus that went: ‘Buy me a rocking chair to watch the world go by/Buy me a looking glass, I’ll look you in the eye’. Six years later it became Merry Xmas Everybody.

A local promoter alerted the band to Jack Baverstock, head of A&R at Philips. After spending a week recording their debut album Beginnings in the label’s studio, he offered them a deal with Fontana Records – if they changed their name. Despite misgivings, they became Ambrose Slade, inspired by Baverstock’s secretary, who had named her handbag ‘Ambrose’ and her shoes ‘Slade’… as you do…

Beginnings and instrumental single Genesis sank, but on the plus side, they found a new manager in Chas Chandler, former bassist with The Animals, who helped Jimi Hendrix rocket to fame. It didn’t mean instant success, but Chandler did set them on the right path, telling them they needed more original material and a new image. They adopted the skinhead look in an attempt to keep up with prevailing trends and as The Slade they released the single Wild Winds Are Blowing, which tanked.

A new decade, a new name: Slade. They featured on Top of the Pops in 1970 with their cover of Shape of Things to Come, but to no avail. They added lyrics to Genesis and reworked it as Know Who You Are, but neither that nor November’s LP, Play It Loud, got anywhere either.

Finally, their fortunes changed. In 1971 Chandler suggested they record one of their most popular live numbers. Their cover of Bobby Marchan’s Get Down with It (later covered by Little Richard) – retitled Get Down and Get with It, came out that May, and it climbed to number 18 in August. And for good reason, it’s an electrifying performance, particularly Holder’s raw vocal, and really captures an infectious, fun, live sound.

Slade were already growing their hair long once more when Chandler demanded they come up with a follow-up themselves. One evening Lea turned up at Holder’s house with his violin and an idea for a simple song, along the lines of T. Rex’s Hot Love, and half an hour later, they had written their first number 1.

They played Because I Love You acoustically to an enthusiastic Chandler the next day, who confidently predicted it would be their first chart-topper. He booked them into Olympic Studios in Barnes. Slade were less keen on its chances, thinking it too soft and poppy, until they were allowed to add foot-stomping to the rhythm. They also decided to change its title, and Holder came up with the idea to misspell it to fit in with their dialect. Thus, Coz I Luv You, the first of their songs littered with spelling errors, was born.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gufUfvpg5XA

Review

Coz I Luv You is a nice signpost to the full-on glam sound Slade songs yet to come would feature. It doesn’t have the immediate ‘wow’ factor of Hot Love or Get It On, but it’s a great introduction to what was to come. It’s interesting that they all thought it was too lightweight, and maybe the footstomping really did make the difference, but this track actually has a bit of a sinister edge to it, thanks to Holder’s vocal styling. Inadvertently or not, he makes ‘Don’t you change the things you do’ sound like a threat, and Lea’s violin at times adds to the slightly uneasy feeling.

After

Soon Slade developed their more raucous, straightforward take on Bolan’s glam rock. They were never bothered with maintaining a cool mystique like he was, and began to also be known for their ridiculous glam outfits, before going on to become national treasures. For now though, they were just a slightly weird rock band who had finally made the big time.

The Outro

Coz I Luv You would later be covered by fellow Black Country musicians, indie band, The Wonder Stuff.

The Info

Written by

Noddy Holder & Jim Lea

Producer

Chas Chandler

Weeks at number 1

4 (13 November-10 December)

Trivia

Births

22 November: Olympic rower Cath Bishop
1 December: Actress Emily Mortimer
5 December: Triple jumper Ashia Hansen

Deaths

17 November: Actress Gladys Cooper

Meanwhile…

22 November: Five children and one adult die after becoming stranded for two nights in blizzards on the Cairngorm Plateau. It is still regarded as Britain’s worst mountaineering accident.

2 December: The Queen’s yearly allowance was increased from £475,000 to £980,000. I’m sure millions of republicans were very pleased for her.

4 December: The highest death toll from a single incident in The Troubles to date took place when 15 people were killed and 17 injured in the McGurk’s Bar bombing. The Ulster Volunteer Force are believed to have been behind the bombing.