467. The Police – Don’t Stand So Close to Me (1980)

The Intro

The bestselling single of 1980 had a controversial subject matter and was The Police’s third number 1. Don’t Stand So Close to Me – the tale of a teacher’s Lolita-like relationship with a pupil – was made all the more eyebrow-raising due to the fact that singer Sting was a teacher before he was a pop star.

Before

Following their second number 1, Walking on the Moon, re-released their fourth single So Lonely, originally issued in 1978. As a pre-fame record it had failed to chart, but this time it peaked at six. A month after its release in February 1980, The Police embarked on their first world tour, performing in countries not used to western pop stars including India and Egypt. To capitalise on their global popularity, UK label A&M released Six Pack, a package featuring their previous five singles (including their first chart-topper, Message in a Bottle), plus an alternate take of album track The Bed’s Too Big Without You.

A&M seemingly couldn’t be satisfied by their biggest group of the moment, however, because they started pressuring The Police for a third album. Recorded in four weeks that July-August, the trio later said Zenyatta Mondatta was too rushed. Nonetheless, it was scheduled for an October release, to be preceded by lead single Don’t Stand So Close to Me on 19 September.

Before he was Sting, Gordon Sumner had taught English at St Paul’s First School in Cramlington, Northumberland. Sting has always understandably stated that Don’t Stand So Close to Me was not about him, but whether it came from experience of a scandal of a colleague, or was just inspired by his teaching career, we don’t know. Anyone who might think a handsome man like Sting may have had no shortage of schoolgirl fans might be right, but nobody has ever claimed the singer has also walked on the moon or been stranded on a desert island.

Review

Opening with a dark and brooding synth, Don’t Stand So Close to Me starts very strong. Sting’s lyrics are compelling and not the subject matter of your average pop song. The first verse is purely focused on the schoolgirl’s desire for the teacher. So far, so very good. But when it gets to the chorus, Don’t Stand So Close to Me goes downhill. While the verses are atmospheric, tense and foreboding, the workmanlike reggae of the chorus is perhaps a sign of the lack of time spent making this album. It’s like a demo recording – as is the instrumental section, featuring some more synth work that screams ‘this will do until we work out what goes here’, but they never went back to it.

Apparently however, The Police and producer Nigel Gray did work on this track for some time, with it initially tried out as a Hammond organ-based soul track. Several complex arrangements were tried, but, perhaps with the ticking of the clock in mind, they were abandoned and the band reverted to an earlier sound.

The second and third verses are strong, detailing the teacher’s lack of torment. However, you could say Sting tries harder to make the listener gain sympathy for the man here, mentioning ‘Temptation, frustration, so bad it makes him cry’. And the definite low point is:

‘It’s no use, he sees her, he starts to shake and cough,
Just like the old man in that book by Nabokov’.

You guessed it! The book in question is Lolita! Terrible, yet Sting later claimed to think it was ‘hilarious’ that he was given so much flak for it.

So the song ends with both student and teacher as the subject of gossip in the classroom and staffroom, and Sting pleading with his pupil to keep away, possibly partly to keep his temptation at bay, but also the rumours. The ending is overlong and if you’re not a fan of Sting’s attempt at reggae singing, Don’t Stand So Close to Me is not going to rank as their best number 1. In a year of so many chart-toppers, with the average duration at the top of the hit parade being only a fortnight, this doesn’t really deserve it’s lofty bestseller status.

The video is a typical Police promo. Sting does a decent job playing the stressed-out teacher, with a young girl hovering around him, while Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland probably revelled in the chance to wind him up by throwing paper aeroplanes and smoking in the classroom. This is intercut with the trio skanking around a schoolroom, with Copeland looking particularly silly holding his drumsticks. Mind you, Summers gives him a run for his money by dropping to his knees for a guitar solo that isn’t actually there. Sting’s adoring fans will have particularly enjoyed their hero getting his top off at one point (bit harsh him telling the girl to keep away when he’s behaving like that).

Don’t Stand So Close to Me has aged better than other similar Lolita-style songs, such as 1968 chart-topper Young Girl, but any sensitivity in which Sting broaches the subject matter quickly evaporates with that terrible rhyme, and nothing is resolved.

After

The melody to Don’t Stand So Close to Me found its way on to another huge 80s hit, when Dire Straits asked Sting to sing on the epic intro to Money for Nothing. Sting sang ‘I want my MTV’ to the tune, and after the release of the LP Money for Nothing, he received a co-writing credit.

The Outro

In 1984 The Police went on hiatus. Two years they reconvened, but the chance of a new album was doomed when Copeland broke his collarbone before they’d had chance to jam. Their final single was Don’t Stand So Close to Me ’86. Copeland and Sting fell out over what to use as drums, the former won out with his Fairlight CMI over the latter’s Synclavier. Unfortunately, while the idea of a reworked version showed a desire to breathe new life into an underworked song, this version is actually inferior. The production is too 80s, and the chorus less catchy. The video, directed by 10cc’s Godley and Creme, is one of the most comically mid-80s things you’ll ever see. The single made it to 24 after the group disbanded.

The Info

Written by

Sting

Producers

The Police & Andy Gray

Weeks at number 1

4 (27 September-24 October) *BEST-SELLING SINGLE OF THE YEAR*

Trivia

Births

5 October: Motorcycle racer James Toseland
13 October: Football player Scott Parker
14 October: Actor Ben Wishaw

Deaths

27 September: Banker Sir Michael Turner
28 September: Pianist Horace Finch
29 September: Labour Party MP Peter Mahon
30 September: Botanist James Wyllie Gregor/Conservationist George Waterston
6 October: Actress Hattie Jacques
7 October: Designer Sir Gordon Russell
10 October: Conservative MP Evelyn Emmet, Baroness Emmet of Amberley/Cricketer Wilfred Hill-Wood
11 October: Singer Cassie Walmer
12 October: Actress Ambrosine Phillpotts
14 October: Labour Party MP Arthur Pearson
15 October: Writer Katharine Mary Briggs
19 October: Radio producer DG Bridson
20 October: TV personality Isobel, Lady Barnett/Tennis player Phoebe Holcroft Watson
24 October: Conservative MP Sir Richard Glyn, 9th Baronet

Meanwhile…

3 October: The 1980 Housing Act came into effect, which gave council house tenants of three years or more in England and Wales the right to buy their home from their local council, at a discount.  

6 October: Express coach services were deregulated.

8 October: British Leyland launched the Austin Metro.

10 October: Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher made her infamous ‘The lady’s not for turning’ speech at conference, after being warned her economic policy was to blame for the recession and record-breaking rising unemployment.

15 October: Former Prime Minister James Callaghan resigned as Labour Party leader after four and a half years in the job.
Also this day, former Prime Minister Harold Macmillan and union leaders criticised Thatcher’s economic policies.

17 October: Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch to make a state visit to the Vatican.

22 October: Lord Thomson announced The Times and Sunday Times would close within five months unless a buyer was found.

24 October: MG car production ended.

447. The Police – Walking on the Moon (1979)

The Intro

Hot on the heels of their first number 1, Message In a Bottle, new-wave/reggae three-piece The Police were ruling the charts once again with this follow-up. And in a year of really hip number 1s, Walking on the Moon is one of the coolest.

Before

Their second album, Regatta de Blanc (which loosely translates into French as ‘White Reggae’) had been recorded between February and August. Although their label, A&M Records, had wanted to capitalise on their band’s growing wave of support with a bigger budget and more famous producer, The Police insisted on returning to Surrey Sound in Leatherhead with co-producer Nigel Gray.

Unlike their first album, Sting, Stewart Copeland and Andy Summers struggled to find enough new material to record and considered remaking debut single Fall Out. Digging out old material from before they were a band, they added new elements to flesh out the songs. Walking on the Moon, however, was brand new.

Sting came up with it while drunk one night in a Munich hotel following a gig. Slumped on the bed, the room spinning around him, he got up and started singing ‘Walking round the room, ya, ya, walking round the room’. In the morning he remembered the riff and wrote what he had down, but realised it was a rather dull premise for a song, so he changed the lyrics. He later admitted the song became the recollection of his first girlfriend, Deborah Anderson, and likened leaving her house in a loved-up state was akin to walking without gravity. Sting was a keen jazz buff, and one of his favourite tunes was John Coltrane’s Giant Steps, so the title also found its way in naturally to the opening line.

Originally conceived and demoed as a rocker, The Police and Gray decided a song about space should sound spaced out. Rather than delve into reggae as they often did, Walking on the Moon became a very successful experiment in dub. This genre, originally an offshoot of reggae, had been developed by pioneering producers including King Tubby, Augustus Pablo and Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry in the late-60s. They would reshape songs, often removing vocals and laying emphasis on the rhythm section, adding echo and reverb. It sounds brilliant when stoned.

A key instrument used in dub was the Roland RE-201 Space Echo unit, and The Police bought one with the money from their first hit, Roxanne. Drummer Copeland added the Space Echo to Walking on the Moon, using it to repeat not the preceding note, but the one before that. Doing so on the rhythm track created the wobbly, stuttering effect that makes it so atmospheric. The combination of Sting’s memorable three-note bass line with the drums was more than good enough on its own, but the icing on the cake was Summers’ idea to add the clanging guitar echo after the bass notes throughout.

Review

Were it not for Every Breath You Take, Walking on the Moon would easily rank as my favourite Police number 1. I love dub, in small doses, and it makes for great headphone music. Sting gets a mostly free pass for his often irritating vocal here, so great is the bass. If you think too much about it, the way he sings the title could still annoy – it is a cod-Jamaican accent, there’s no escaping it. It’s there again on the ‘Keep it up’ refrain at the end too. However, his least annoying performance comes in the least successful element of the song – the ‘Some may say/I’m wishing’ my days away’. The lyrics to this section don’t really fit the rest and just seem like rhymes for the sake of it.

I love the idea of likening new love to being as amazing as stepping out on to the Moon. The music is in complete contrast to that idea though, sounding edgy and mysterious. I guess there is a good comparison to be had with the great unknowns of what happens next in a love affair and moonwalking. Anyway, I’m rambling. I just wish there was a 12-inch version, which could have explored the outer reaches even more, really emphasising the echo.

Taking a literal approach for the video, Sting, Copeland and Summers were recorded at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida on 23 October 1979. They’re mostly pretending to play live, although Sting has an electric guitar rather than a bass, and Copeland is whacking his drumsticks against a Saturn V rocket. As with their last video, Derek Burbridge directs and Sting looks rather menacing, until all three crack up while dicking about inside.

After

Walking on the Moon very nearly made it to Christmas number 1, which would have made for a distinctly un-festive chart-topper and final number 1 of the 70s. What replaced it was even less cheery.

The Info

Written by

Sting

Producers

The Police & Nigel Gray

Weeks at number 1

1 (8-14 December)

Trivia

Births

14 December: Footballer Michael Owen

Deaths

9 December: Boxing promoter Jack Solomons

Meanwhile…

10 December: Stunt performer Eddie Kidd performs an 80ft motorcycle jump.

14 December: Doubts are raised over the convictions of the four men in the Carl Bridgewater case. Hubert Vincent Spencer is charged with murdering 70-year-old farmer Hubert Wilkes. The farmhouse where Wilkes was murdered was less than half a mile away from the one where Bridgewater had been killed.

443. The Police – Message in a Bottle (1979)

The Intro

Formed in the ashes of punk, The Police were one of the most successful new wave bands, combining rock, punk, reggae and jazz influences. They had five UK number 1s between 1979 and 1983 and sold over 75 million records, making them one of the bestselling bands of all time. And singer-songwriter Sting went on to become very famous indeed as a solo star.

Before

Two thirds of The Police first teamed up in late November 1976, when Stewart Copeland met Gordon Sumner. Copeland was born in Alexandra, Virginia, but moved to the UK briefly in the 60s and again in 1974 to become the road manager for prog rock group Curved Air. He then became their drummer, but the band had split by the time of his first encounter with Sumner.

Sumner, from Northumberland, was a teacher who performed bass with the Newcastle Big Band and Phoenix Jazzmen on his time off. While with the latter he earned his nickname due to a black and yellow striped jumper he was fond of wearing. He co-founded the jazz fusion group Last Exit in 1974 but they split the same year as Curved Air.

Copeland was inspired by punk and suggested to Sting they form a new group and join the scene in London. Sting moved there in January. He was less keen on punk, but ambitious to succeed and saw how it could create opportunities. Corsican guitarist Henry Padovani became the third member.

The Police performed their debut gig in Newport, Wales on 1 March 1977, which apparently only lasted 10 minutes. Two months later came their first single, Fall Out, on Illegal Records, founded by Copeland, his brother Miles Copeland III and Paul Mulligan, their manager.

That May, Sting was invited by former Gong member Mike Howlett to perform in his new project Strontium 90. When the planned drummer became unavailable, Sting took Copeland along. Also in Strontium 90 was Andy Summers. The Lancashire-born guitarist had previously played with Eric Burdon and The Animals and with Kevin Ayers. Strontium 90 recorded some demo tracks and among them was Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, a future number 1 for The Police.

Sting was becoming frustrated with Padovani’s ability and asked Summers to join The Police. Summers would only do so if he replaced Padovani but Sting and Copeland couldn’t go through with telling him, but only two gigs later, Summers issued them with another ultimatum and Padovani was out. He joined Wayne County & The Electric Chairs.

Sting became more excited about the avenues The Police could explore in their new line-up, and the songs came thick and fast. But they were struggling for money, and it was the opportunity to star in an advert for Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum, directed by Tony Scott, which resulted in the trio dying their hair blonde. The advert never aired, but there peroxide cuts made them stand out, as did their looks in general, particularly Sting.

Copeland III leant The Police money to finance their debut LP, Outlandos d’Amour. Released in November 1978, it had been preceded by Roxanne in April. This reggae-influenced tale of a prostitute was claimed by their label to have been banned by the BBC, which wasn’t true. But they did ban the follow-up Can’t Stand Losing You due to the sleeve pic of Copeland hanging himself. Neither single, nor their next, So Lonely, charted.

However, in February 1979 Roxanne was released in the US and it did pretty well, peaking at 32. It was re-released in the UK and following a performance on Top of the Pops it scored them their first hit, climbing to 12. Suddenly they had momentum. A US tour was followed by a re-release of Can’t Stand Losing You, which was a number two smash.

In the same month the re-release of Roxanne catapulted The Police to stardom, they recorded Message in a Bottle at Surrey Sound Studios. In September it became the first single from their second album Regatta de Blanc. This was, incidentally, the same month the film Quadrophenia, based on The Who album from 1973, was released. Sting played Ace Face.

The central guitar riff to Message in a Bottle had been thought up by Sting and was intended for a different song originally. The arpeggiated guitar part before the third verse was Summer’s idea. Copeland’s drumming, later considered by Summers to be his finest drum track, was overdubbed from around six different parts.

https://youtu.be/MbXWrmQW-OE

Review

Me and The Police have a strange relationship. With their unique mix of different genres including dub, reggae and jazz, I should in theory have a lot of time for them. And at least two of their number 1s are brilliant. But I’m often put off by Sting’s voice. I’m really not a fan of his attempt to sound black and I’m surprised in today’s #cancelled culture that it isn’t more widely criticised. Thankfully he reins it in during their later years but it’s here in full effect. The ‘o’ at the end of many of the lines is irritating and rather patronising.

I can’t deny the band themselves sound great, though. Without the polish of the later years, there’s a real muscularity to their sound, and all three put in a great effort. And Sting’s lyrics, in which a castaway puts a message in a bottle to try and find love, only to discover a year later ‘a hundred billion bottles on the shore’, from likeminded souls, are rather poignant. Love the music behind Sting every time he sings the title moodily, too. It’s quite a lengthy track but at the same time flashes by all too quickly. I’d love to hear a longer version.

The official video, as seen above, mostly features the band miming to the track in a dressing room, intercut with shots of a city and the band performing live. Sting mostly looks rather menacing, while Copeland manically drums on parts of his drumkit.

After

Despite The Police’s varied influences, Message In a Bottle is a great pop song, and a deserved chart-topper. It also went to number 1 in Ireland, and five in Australia, but somehow failed to catch on in the US. All three band members still regard it highly and Summers thinks it’s their best ever track. Number 1 for three weeks in the autumn of the year, The Police would soon follow it up with an even better single.

The Info

Written by

Sting

Producers

The Police & Nigel Gray

Weeks at number 1

3 (29 September-19 October)

Trivia

Deaths

10 October: Psychologist Dr Christopher Evans

297. Mungo Jerry – Baby Jump (1971)

The Intro

Everyone knows In the Summertime by jug band Mungo Jerry, but who remembers this follow-up? The raucous, rowdy Baby Jump must be one of the least-known number 1 singles of all time, and marked the end of ‘Mungo-mania’.

Before

After the huge impact of In the Summertime in the UK, their debut single began to climb the US charts, so Mungo Jerry headed over in September 1970. Upon their return, double bassist Mike Cole was sacked and replaced by John Godfrey. They hadn’t been in a rush to immediately release a second single, preferring to let In the Summertime soak up as many sales as possible.

The band decided to rework a track that was popular at their live shows, and singer-songwriter Ray Dorset came up with some new lyrics too. They recorded Baby Jump at their label Pye’s 16-track studio, but weren’t happy with the results, deciding it needed to sound more lo-fi, so they returned to the studio where they had made In the Summertime, and Barry Murray was back in charge of production. Deciding the single was too short, they chose to repeat the trick of their first single, and Murray created a fake ending, with the song starting up from the start again.

Review

Baby Jump is a real curio. If you didn’t know it, you’d think it was a different band. Perhaps even an early Tom Waits number. The light touch of their debut is replaced by raw rocking noise and Ray Dorset adopts a growling, shouting voice. The track sounds like it’s been dropped in a muddy pool of water and left for a day or two. This might make it sound exciting, and for the first minute or so, Baby Jump is just that. But it soon outstays its welcome and you’re left wanting them to wrap it up – which makes that false ending all the more annoying.

The lyrics are problematic too. Those freewheeling, likeable but misogynistic lads of In the Summertime go full-throttle on the lust levels. Dorset has the horn for a girl in a micro-mini dress and black stockings, and he promises ‘You bet your life I’ll attack’. He goes on to compare him and his dream love to Lady Chatterley and her gamekeeper, Mona Lisa and Da Vinci, and worryingly, Humbert and Lolita. Which of course, suggests the girl he wants is underage. So, nine years before The Police namechecked Lolita author Vladimir Nabokov in 1980’s best-selling single, Don’t Stand So Close to Me, Mungo Jerry got there first. But at least Sting was conflicted about his situation.

After

Baby Jump made Mungo Jerry the first British act since Gerry and the Pacemakers to have two number 1s with their first two singles, but there seems to be some confusion about whether it even did really make it to number 1, as there was a national postal strike at the time, which affected chart data. They nearly equalled Gerry and co’s feat of three in a row with Lady Rose, but a controversial B-side, Have a Whiff on Me, meant the single was withdrawn.

Mungo Jerry’s momentum never really recovered, and in 1972 Dorset was summoned to a band meeting and Colin Earl and Paul King told him they wanted him gone. Bit rich, considering Dorset did most of the work, so the management fired them instead. They went on to form The King Earl Boogie Band.

From here on in, the line-up would change over and over, but Dorset remained, and as far as the rest of the world is concerned, is Mungo Jerry. He even used the name on solo material. There were a few more hits in the 70s, including Alright, Alright, Alright and You Don’t Have to Be in the Army to Fight the War. His last top 20 single was the catchy Long Legged Woman Dressed in Black in 1974.

However, Dorset would pen another number 1. He was the man behind Kelly Marie’s excellent tacky disco smash Feels Like I’m in Love in 1980. Originally he’d written it with Elvis Presley in mind – I would have loved to have heard that.

The Outro

Three years later, Dorset joined former Fleetwood Mac guitarist and acid casualty Peter Green and Vincent Crane from The Crazy World of Arthur Brown in the group Katmandu, who released one album, A Case for the Blues, in 1985. Occasional Mungo Jerry albums have appeared since, the last being 100% Live in Baden Baden in 2018.

The Info

Written by

Ray Dorset

Producer

Barry Murray

Weeks at number 1

2 (6-19 March)

Trivia

Births

7 March: Actress Rachel Weisz

Deaths

6 March: Harpsichordist Thurston Dart
7 March:
Poet Stevie Smith

Meanwhile…

7 March: After recent protests in London, 10,000 striking workers protested in Glasgow against the Industrial Relations Bill.

8 March: The postal workers’ strike ended after 47 days.