Every 70s Number 2

June 2, 2022June 6, 2022 / robbarker1979

The Intro

I’m just about done with the 70s for the time being, but before I get on with Every UK Number 1: The 60s, here’s one more look at the decade. As usual when I finish choosing my highs and lows of a decade, I take a look at the number 2s (oo-er). Why? Well, it’s a chance to take an alternative look at the most popular songs of the decade and see how they compare with the songs that pipped them to the post. It’s long been believed that some of the greatest songs of all time missed out on the top spot. This certainly proved true in the 60s.

Will it prove to be the case for the 70s? Let’s find out. As per usual, I’ll look at each year, pick a best and worst for each year, then an overall winner and loser. Any future past number 1s aren’t included – these songs must have reached no higher than 2.

1970

Just as with the number 1 selection of this year, rock is the main genre dominating the runner-up chart position. And there’s some real beauties. Elvis Presley’s greatest song, Suspicious Minds, gets things off to an excellent start. Like the best number 2s, it’s criminal this didn’t top the charts. Folk trio Peter, Paul and Mary are next with their version of John Denver’s Leaving on a Jet Plane. This was the version that was a hit, and rightly so as the harmonies are lovely. Let’s Work Together – later a hit for Roxy Music as Let’s Stick Together – is an excellent dose of raucous blues-rock courtesy of Canned Heat. The Beatles bow out of the charts with Let It Be, which is obviously a classic, but for a change, I’m not picking it as the winner. We won’t see them again until Every 90s Number 2, when Free As a Bird was pipped to the post. Question by The Moody Blues is a lovely piece of prog rock. It’s a bit like Fleetwood Mac’s Oh Well, in that it’s more like a two-parter, but both halves are great. Groovin’ with Mr Bloe was a B-side for a band called Wind that changed their name to Mr Bloe when this song became an accidental hit in the US. Although an unknown called Elton John recorded a version, it was ignored in favour of the harmonica-led soul original at last. It’s not bad. Then we’ve a couple of bangers. All Right Now by Free and Lola by The Kinks are still evergreen rock classics. Less famous is Neanderthal Man by session musicians Hotlegs, later known as 10cc. They were messing about with drum sounds in the studio when they stumbled upon their suitably primitive rock smasher. The rocksteady favourite You Can Get it if You Really Want was written and recorded by Jimmy Cliff before number 1 artist Desmond Dekker and the Aces released their version, which outdid Cliff’s. I find it a little overrated, to be honest. Then another total rock classic, and one of the greatest riffs of all time – Deep Purple’s Black Night. Patches is a forgotten soul track by Chairmen of the Board’s singer General Johnson, but blind singer Clarence Carter took it to number 2. It’s not aged well. Rounding a great year off is When I’m Dead and Gone by rock band McGuinness Flint. It’s pretty nice, and thanks to the mandolin is rather similar to Maggie May. Two of the band later departed to become Gallagher and Lyle.

The Best:

The Jackson 5 – I Want You Back

As you can see with such incredible competition, the winner of 1970 has to be pretty special. I nearly went with Suspicious Minds but few songs show the majestic uplifting beauty of pop at its best than this. It’s mad to think the Jacksons didn’t get a UK number 1 until 1977. I Want You Back, their debut, is still guaranteed to fill dance floors after all these years. Effervescent and sweet without being too sugary, it’s bloody brilliant. And whatever Michael Jackson later became, what a talent he was in 1970.

The Worst:

Mary Hopkin – Knock Knock, Who’s There

Young folk star Hopkin had recorded some great Paul McCartney material initially, including number 1 Those Were the Days, but this tune, which became the runner-up at the Eurovision Song Contest, is a big letdown. It’s perfect as a 70s Eurovision entry, and certainly better than the winner, but it’s the worst song in a very good year.

1971

Similar to 1970 but a lower rate of classics. But the first stirrings of glam are here, with the genre’s pioneers, T Rex, topping and tailing the year. The Pushbike Song by Australian band The Mixtures, is a very obvious copy of Mungo Jerry’s In the Summertime, but I can’t help but enjoy it anyway. It’s followed by Another Day, which was the debut solo single by a Mr Paul McCartney. John Lennon may have slated this by comparing it to Yesterday in How Do You Sleep?, but unfairly so in my opinion. It’s a lovely single. A controversial classic next, as The Rolling Stones got to number 2 for the last time with Brown Sugar/Bitch/Let It Rock. The first track was until recently considered one of the band’s best, but in the wake of Black Lives Matter and #metoo, the lyrical references to the slave trade and rape have understandably seen this removed from the Stones setlist. Bitch is a decent track from Sticky Fingers, with a good guitar and brass riff, and Let It Rock is a so-so run-through an old Chuck Berry song at the University of Leeds. There must have been something in the air in 1971, as the next three tracks are all about death. Indiana Wants Me was inspired by Canadian country singer R Dean Taylor’s viewing of Bonnie and Clyde and is written from the point of view who murdered a man who insulted his woman, which seems somewhat of an overreaction. It’s not bad, atmospheric and ending with gunfire. Not as good as his best-known track There’s a Ghost in My House, though. Then there’s I Did What I Did for Maria by Sheffield singer Tony Christie, sounding just like Tom Jones here. This is from the POV of a widower on Death Row who is about to die for avenging the death of his wife. Interesting premise, but so-so as a song. Worth mentioning it was written and produced by 50s hitmaker Mitch Murray and Peter Callander, who wrote Georgie Fame’s 1968 number 1, The Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde. They also wrote Christie’s 2005 number 1 Is This the Way to Amarillo. Then, Don’t Let It Die by Hurricane Smith. Norman Smith had been an engineer for The Beatles from 1963-65. Promoted to a producer, he worked with bands including Pink Floyd. He wrote this track as a warning abut the future of the Earth with Lennon in mind, but producer Mickie Most said Smith should release it himself. It’s pretty good, and Smith’s vocal is pretty weird, sounding slightly unhinged, even. Future glam stars The Sweet scored their first real hit with Co-Co, a catchy but cheesy calypso-style track. The New Seekers’ cover of Delaney & Bonnie’s Never Ending Song of Love is throwaway pap. Nancy Sinatra and her producer Lee Hazlewood, four years after her last number 1 Somethin’ Stupid, narrowly missed out with the duet Did You Ever, which I think is filthier than it first appears. Scottish popsters Middle of the Road followed up their number 1 Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep with Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, which isn’t quite as irritating as their chart-topper, at least but it’s throwaway nonsense. US funk rockers redbone liven things up somewhat with the spooky The Witch Queen of New Orleans. Tom Jones’s cover of a 50s track, Till, is typically overblown, but not very memorable. Marc Bolan returns to end the year with the lightweight but enjoyable Jeepster. T Rex really were on fire in the early 70s.

The Best:

T Rex – Ride a White Swan

And here’s the song that finally made Bolan, after years as a cult figure in Tyrannosaurus Rex, into a bona fide star. With only Bolan and percussionist Mickey Finn on board, it’s a fascinating bridge from the low-key whimsy of his former band into the electric, catchy pop template of T Rex’s future four number 1s and so much more.

The Worst:

Ray Stevens – Bridget the Midget (The Queen of the Blues)

Oh Ray, you really don’t do great with me, do you? On the basis of this and one of the worst chart-toppers of the 70s, The Streak, Stevens really was the master of awfully unfunny novelty crap. This is marginally better than that track, purely on the basis of a catchy piano riff. The rest is total shit. Pitched-up vocals from Stevens are meant to give the impression he is Bridget, a small, high-pitched singer. Fuck’s sake.

1972

Glam makes its presence felt with some classics and some that are best forgotten. But first, 11-year-old Scottish Opportunity Knocks winner Neil Reid with his soppy old cover of Mother of Mine. Pretty much forgotten now, unlike Don McLean’s American Pie. It’s better than his 1972 number 1 Vincent, but overfamiliarity with it makes me weary. Way too long, also. Ringo Starr! This is much more like it. His early 70s collaborations with fellow-Beatle George Harrison are well worth checking out, and Back Off Boogaloo is probably the best. Is it a Paul McCartney diss? Maybe, but it’s definitely very glam-sounding, that’s undeniable. Greek singer Vicky Leandros won Eurovision with Après Toi, and the English translation, Come What May, shows she had a great voice, but there’s not a lot to say about it otherwise. David Cassidy is next with a double A-side, Could It Be Forever?/Cherish. His voice is less irritating than it is on the number 1s he followed this up with, and I didn’t mind the former, but the latter is very wet and overlong, albeit with a nice climax (that’s what she said). I used to think Rocket Man was merely Elton John ripping off Space Oddity, but it’s grown on me over the last year or so. Great vocal and nice synth sound too. Won’t be a shock to hear I’d rather forget about Gary Glitter but unfortunately he crops up a lot now. Annoyingly though, Rock and Roll, Parts 1 and 2 still sounds good. But that’s down to producer Mike Leander. And at least Part 2 is an instrumental so we don’t even have to think about Glitter… except his voice is all over it still, particularly all those horrible yelping noises at the end… Then it’s Dr Hook and the Medicine Show’s Sylvia’s Mother. Nice idea, writing a song about a man ringing his ex to get her back, only for her mum to answer, but unfortunately the vocal is so overwrought it ruins it. Long before Jona Lewis was wishing he was home for Christmas, he was doing the Seaside Shuffle with Terry Dactyl and the Dinosaurs. Nice, jaunty little novelty track that makes me want to go for a paddle. After that we’ve the evergreen Children of the Revolution, a standout T Rex track that I actually prefer to his last two number 1s, Telegram Sam and Metal Guru. It’s a little different to Bolan’s usual fare thanks to the epic arrangement. Hotlegs became 10c with the release of doo-wop pastiche Donna, but it’s too similar to Oh! Darling by the Beatles, and not particularly funny. And here come the legendary Slade with Gudbuy T’Jane, an excellent ode to a woman who demonstrated a sex machine on a US chat show they appeared on.

The Best:

The Osmonds – Crazy Horses

Still astounds me how a Mormon boyband in effect pulled a ‘Monkees’ and decided to rock out and play their own instruments. Rehearsing in a basement, Wayne came up with the monster chugging riff, Merrill invented the melody and gave the verse vocal to Jay and Alan got the chords. Donny’s voice was breaking so he didn’t sing, but his organ was a stallion (that’s what she said), which, put through a wah-wah pedal, gave the song its hook. And what a hook. This ode to ecology had a great message, too. Their record label were understandably concerned before its release, but it did very well, particularly in the UK, and it bloody well deserved to.

The Worst:

The New Seekers – Beg, Steal or Borrow

Another Eurovision entry, this time for the UK. It came second but like the other contest entries so far, it’s pretty dull. But they perform it well. I do have a little respect for The New Seekers – they seem to have had a bit more going for them than the usual light entertainment singers of the era.

1973

Peak glam, with only a few pop songs getting a look in. T Rex are back for the last time with Solid Gold Easy Action, which is only an average Bolan track, but that’s still better than most of the competition. Very much of its time is the rowdy left-wing folk singalong Part of the Union by The Strawbs. I’ve read differing opinions on this over the years. Is it pro-unions or a pisstake. Probably the former. Either way, it’s an earworm and a reminder of days when unions held more power. The Faces next, with the rather lacklustre Cindy Incidentally. It’s no Stay with Me or Ooh La La. Sadly Glitter was at the peak of his powers this year with two more famous stompers. Hello! Hello! I’m Back Again is the least revolting of the two, and of course is better known these days for being knicked by Oasis. The Sweet are much more welcome with their two – Hell Raiser and particularly The Ballroom Blitz are great raunchy rockers, which probably went down a storm live, and bassist Steve Priest’s camp interjections are always fun. I like The Carpenters in small doses, but Yesterday Once More is a bit too saccharine, however lovely the production is. Barry Blue was perhaps too lightweight to be remembered for his glam single Dancing (on a Saturday Night), but it’s pretty good, if a bit on the retro side, something which occurred more with glam a year later. The least glam-sounding glam song here is MY FRIEИD STAИ by Slade – their comeback single after drummer Don Powell’s car crash. I like the fact they styled this song with what looks to be Satanic writing. But the song is a bit of a curio, sounding more like a Chas and Dave tune. The Osmonds are back with Let Me In, which was familiar with me thanks to The Avalanches sampling it on Since I Left You in 2000. The rock of Crazy Horses is gone and replaced with the more familiar commercial pop sound, but it’s good at what it does. Judging them by their biggest hits, it seems The Osmonds were better as a group than their various offshoots. Don’t even get me started on Little Jimmy… The black glove of Alvin Stardust is one of the most recognisable glam sights of yore, but as I discovered when reviewing his number 1 Jealous Mind, it’s actually songwriter Pete Shelley singing that and this better, more famous track, My Coo-ca-Choo. Rounding things off is Marie Osmond with an old-fashioned cover of country track Paper Roses. Mad to think this was higher up the charts that December than Wizzard…

The Best:

David Bowie – The Jean Genie

It’s also mad to think David Bowie didn’t get to number 1 during his Ziggy Stardust phase and we have to settle with this instead. Bizarrely written and recorded at the same time as another Bo Diddley soundalike, number 1 Block Buster !, Bowie missed out on the top spot. And despite being a massive Bowie hardcore fan, I said in my review that I preferred The Sweet’s song (just). Yet that didn’t win by favourite number 1 of 1973. Confused? Me too. Anyway, allegedly inspired by Jean Genet and Iggy Pop, The Jean Genie always sounds great, even when you hear it for the millionth time.

The Worst:

Gary Glitter – Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah!) – Eugh. I hate to say it but despite despising this despicable chancer, a lot of Glitter songs still sound good. The guitar sound at the start of this is cool, but as usual I’m going to say it’s down to Leander. Lyrically, this is the most sickening Glitter tune to be forced to hear these days. Forever a black stain on the charts.

1974

Just as the standard of number 1s fell with the decline of glam, so did the runners-up. Even more so, in fact. The year begins with an overlong blast of circus music courtesy of Leo Sayer and his first hit, The Show Must Go On. It’s an odd little tune, with interesting lyrics but an overwrought vocal. Teenage Rampage is OK but probably the least impressive tune by The Sweet here. Then it’s the surprise comeback of The Hollies with a cover of Albert Hammond’s The Air That I Breathe. It’s perhaps best known these days for the verses being so similar to part of Radiohead’s Creep, but that takes away from the memorable chorus. Country singer Charlie Rich’s The Most Beautiful Girl is decent I suppose, if you like the genre, which I don’t much. Tiger Feet was definitely a late-glam era highlight and one of my favourite number 1s of 1974, but Mud’s The Cat Crept In just sounds like a tossed-off retread. The guitar is practically the same. The Bay City Rollers had two chart-toppers but Shang-a-Lang was the start of Roller-mania. It’s a very irritating song – I really don’t like the chorus. Finally, a song to shake things up a bit… It was This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Both of Us. Combining inventive glam, rather than its derivative aspect, with music hall and progressive pop, this is the song that alerted the world to Sparks. Produced by Muff Winwood of former chart-toppers The Spencer Davis Group, fact fans. Back to 50s-sounding glam with Showaddywaddy’s Hey Rock and Roll. The Leicester band were riding high from their New Faces win and penned this debut single. which features their name in the backing vocals. It’s terribly unoriginal, but the stomping in the chorus would have been quite fun for children I suppose. It wasn’t just rock that was low on ideas in 1974, as Kissin’ in the Back Row of the Movies by The Drifters sounds like 50s soul rather than genres like the Philly Sound, up soon. The band were unsure whether singing about picking their girl up from school when her homework was done was a good idea – imagine that happening now… Where do I know Stephanie De Sykes’ Born with a Smile on My Face from? Is it from a 90s comedy? Wherever I first heard it makes me nostalgic upon hearing it again, but can you be nostalgic for something you can’t even remember?! The Stylistics’ You Make Me Feel Brand New was more contemporary. Love the sitar at the start and tenor Airrion Love’s vocal is much more pleasant on the ears than the falsetto of Russell Thompkins Jr. Donny and Marie Osmond team up with the predictably boring easy listening tune I’m Leaving It Up to You. And the next one, Rock Me Gently by Andy Kim, isn’t much better. The electric piano gives it a nice sound, but it’s an average bubblegum pop song from one of the guys who sang with The Archies. Slade made the gritty film Flame in 1974, seemingly to prove there was more to them than the crazy outfits and excellent pop songs. Far Far Away is a decent attempt at a more mature sound, capturing the melancholy involved with life on the road. Other than the year’s best and worst, that only leaves Bachman Turner Overdrive’s You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet. As happy and catchy as this is, I can’t hear it without thinking of Smashie and Nicey, which makes it hard to do anything but laugh at it.

The Best:

Queen – Killer Queen

I can take or leave some of Queen’s output, which has often been ruined for me by overfamiliarity. But this, their breakthrough hit, has always been one of my favourites. This super-camp music hall ditty was about a high-class call girl, and was unusual in that Freddie Mercury came up with the lyrics before the tune. It’s a song that always sounds fresh and a large part of that is, ironically, the very 70s production.

The Worst:

Gary Glitter – Oh Yes! You’re Beautiful

Oh fuck off already! I wonder if the song title came to Glitter as he stared out into the sea of children at his gigs. Thankfully, he won’t trouble us anymore after this.

1975

An interesting, varied mix this year, topped and tailed with Christmas songs. Wombling Merry Christmas is fun, even if the concept of Mike Batt and co dressing up as Wombles seems so odd in modern times. It’s a very Bay City Rollers-style sound. Ralph McTell’s Streets of London next, which is the musical equivalent of a worn, comfy pair of slippers, even if the lyrics are actually quite depressing. I prefer Gloria Gaynor’s Never Can Say Goodbye to I Will Survive. Originally recorded by The Jackson 5, Gaynor’s version is considered one of the first disco tunes. A quick blast of the Glitter sound that’s OK to still enjoy. However, The Glitter Band never actually played on the paedophile’s records, only backing him live sometimes. Goodbye My Love isn’t up to scratch though, other than the nice guitar lick. The Carpenters are back but again, there’s better songs by Richard and Karen out there. Please Mr Postman is considered a classic, but it’s not a patch on The Beatles version. The Sweet broke away from Chinnichap in 1975 and produced a re-recording of Fox on the Run themselves. Singer Brian Connolly sounds more like Noddy Holder here and there’s a nice Roxy Music vibe to the keyboards. Not bad at all. Aww, it’s Minnie Riperton’s classic Lovin’ You next, which is excellent. Co-produced by Stevie Wonder, the melody was created by Riperton as a distraction for her daughter Maya, which is what she’s singing at the end. DJs faded it out though in case it was misinterpreted as a religious chant. The birdsong was a happy accident they decided to leave in. Showaddywaddy are back with their inferior version of Eddie Cochran’s Three Steps to Heaven. The spoken-word section is laughably sinister. Now, here’s a surprise… Ray Stevens, performing a country song straight… and it’s actually not bad! I like the banjo, Stevens has a great falsetto and it builds to a rousing finale. Roger Whittaker, much like his mate Des O’Connor, is seemingly unconcerned with getting emotion into a song. The Last Farewell is a predictably wet song about sailing from 1971, which was held off the top spot by Rod Stewart’s… Sailing. Leo Sayer is back with Moonlighting, sadly not the excellent theme to the 80s US TV series, but not bad. A close second place this year is Roxy Music’s Love is the Drug. I hadn’t even realised just how devoid of sex these songs had been up to now (I’m not counting Glitter in this). Excellent slinky groove to this one. We all know Hot Chocolate’s You Sexy Thing of course, and I’m still surprised it never made it to number 1. Sadly overfamiliarity and an air of cheese kind of spoils it these days, but it certainly is catchy as hell. Strangest song here is Laurel & Hardy’s The Trail of the Lonesome Pine. Apparently the silent comedy duo’s films were very popular on TV at the time and John Peel had championed this tune. Due to its age, it has an eerie, haunting melancholy to it that’s really interesting.

The Best:

Greg Lake – I Believe in Father Christmas

Combining sombre folk with Sergei Prokofiev’s Lieutenant Kiljé Suite, this is one of my favourite Christmas songs. Emerson Lake and Palmer’s Greg Lake wrote the music and his former King Crimson bandmate Peter Sinfield wrote the lyrics as a protest at the commercialisation and loss of childhood belief in the festive season. Despite, or perhaps because of the downbeat, contemplative mood, it’s really beautiful and in sharp contrast to the usual party tone of other Christmas classics.

The Worst:

Guys ‘n’ Dolls – There’s a Whole Lot of Loving This sounds like it belongs on an advert for biscuits. And that’s exactly what it was. Recorded by session singers including Edison Lighthouse‘s Tony Burrows, this was used as a jingle for McVities. Such was its popularity, the group Guys ‘n’ Dolls were quickly formed to record a new version. However, they didn’t get their voices on this single as they weren’t assembled in time, so Burrows and co’s voices remain. There’s not a lot else to it other than the resemblance to Brotherhood of Man.

1976

Hmm, so this is interesting. The number 1s of 1976 were one of the worst years of the 70s, all in all. The standard of the runners-up is higher. In fact, there isn’t a truly awful track. Sailor are best known for Girls, Girls, Girls, but A Glass of Champagne did better at the time, and it’s not bad at all – albeit, a little bit too much of a Roxy Music pastiche. There were some weird phenomenons in the 70s, one of which was the CB radio craze which resulted in the novelty hit Convoy, credited to CW McCall (alias of Bill Fries). It’s, like all great novelty tracks, very catchy, and McCall’s voice was perfect for the part. Love Really Hurts Without You was Billy Ocean’s first of many hits. He’d do better, but it’s a well-remembered slice of soul, sounding very Motown. More soul follows courtesy of Barry White’s You See the Trouble with Me, co-written by Ray Parker Jr (Ghostbusters). It’s alright, but is sorely lacking the sex you’d expect from the Walrus of Love. I certainly haven’t had enough of Silly Love Songs – it’s one of my favourite Wings tracks. It’s a close runner-up for best of the year and is the cheeriest ‘Fuck you’ to Macca’s critics you’ll ever here. Love the harmonies in the breakdown near the end. A Little Bit More is one of Dr Hook’s (as they were known by then) best-known songs and I prefer it to Sylvia’s Mother, but those lyrics can’t help but sound a bit, well, rapey. Paul McCartney had a very good 1976 as Wings are back again with Let ‘Em In. I really like this tune, but unfortunately, it shows the problem with McCartney at times without John Lennon to bounce off. You’ve got this cool, moody music, set to lyrics about friends and family… just… knocking on his door, or ringing the bell. Shame. One of my favourite Rod Stewart songs is The Killing of Georgie (Part I and II) so it’s great to be reminded of that. Far removed from some of his more laddish tendencies, this is Stewart being sadly inspired by the killing of a friend of his band Faces. It’s a beautiful tune and a subject matter realty with sensitively. Or at least, Part I is. Part II is OK, but it’s a complete rip-off of The Beatles’ Don’t Let Me Down. The Real Thing are only really remembered for their great chart-topper You to Me Are Everything, but Can’t Get By Without You is also a good stab of disco, soul and funk. It must have surely inspired the theme to US 80s cop drama Hill Street Blues, which is what I thought it was when it came on. You Make Me Feel Like Dancing is one of Leo Sayer’s better tracks – he’s well-suited to this bright and breezy disco tune. Queen very nearly made it two Christmas number 1s in a row, and Somebody to Love has similarities to Bohemian Rhapsody. But it’s not as inventive. Nonetheless, it’s one of their most famous songs and a real rock anthem.

The Best:

Candi Staton – Young Hearts Run Free

Over lunch one day, Candi Staton’s producer David Crawford apparently asked the soul singer what was going on in her life and she told him about the abusive relationship she was struggling to find a way out of. Crawford took notes and promised her he’d write a song that would last forever. He achieved that with Young Hearts Run Free, which to me is the very definition of ‘bittersweet’. Set to a lovely upbeat disco backing, Staton isn’t jealous of the young people she sees in love, she just hopes they don’t end up like her. Many of the millions who’ve danced to this over the years may not have noticed how bleak the lyrics often are, which makes the beauty of the melody that much more effective. One of the best disco songs of the decade.

The Worst:

Demis Roussos – When Forever Has Gone

The Greek singer-songwriter was very big in 1976. OK, he was very big in general, but Excerpts from ‘The Roussos Phenomenon’ (EP), a spin-off from a hit BBC documentary, was the first EP to top the charts. This was the follow-up, but it’s not as good as the title track to that, Forever and Ever. It’s a bit sickly. Not by any means diabolical, but as I said, 1976 was a good year for number 2s.

1977

Disco is easily the most popular genre in a very strong year, full of great soul tracks that lit up the dancefloor. One of the best kicks things off. Heatwave’s Boogie Nights, written by Rod Temperton, has an amazing jazz-funk intro and outro, which opens out into a cool groove. David Soul’s Going in With My Eyes Open came between his two number 1s that year. It’s a rather bog standard ballad and the worst of the three tracks. Red Light Spells Danger by Billy Ocean is better than his last entry here. It has a great moody bassline and weird vocal effect to ramp up the tension. Then it’s the magnificent Stevie Wonder at the peak of his powers with his tribute to musical greats, in particular Sir Duke Ellington. Very nearly my pick for 1977. Southern soul singer Joe Tex’s biggest hit was Ain’t Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman) and rightly so. The bass is excellent here and I love the groove in the extended outro. Greg Lake’s back with Keith Emerson and Carl Palmer this time. Their version of Aaron Copland’s Fanfare for the Common Man is a surprisingly punchy piece of prog rock, and is easy to enjoy. Lo and behold, here’s a Boney M track I don’t mind. If I ignore the cheesy interjections, Ma Baker is a nice disco tune and once again, a large part of that is down to the bass. Showaddywaddy return, once again with their feet firmly in the past, this time with a cover of Marv Johnson’s You Got What It Takes. Mediocre. Back to the disco next with the excellent Magic Fly. This one-hit wonder for the French band in spacesuits was highly influential, on fellow countrymen Air and Daft Punk, to name just a couple. Highly recommended. Black is Black had been a number 2 for Los Bravos in 1966 and here it is, revamped for the dancefloor by French vocal trio La Belle Epoque. It works well, with rhythmic strings and an usual echo on the vocals. Queen serve up another rock anthem at the end of the year. We Are the Champions is understandably one of their most famous tunes, and though some find it on the smug side, there’s no denying its mass appeal. A team of scientists declared it the catchiest pop song of all time in 2011.

The Best:

Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen

Here’s a timely tune. Created for the Silver Jubilee, the highest charting punk song of all time is being rereleased for the Platinum Jubilee. Sadly, its scabrous lyrics are more relevant than ever, as Johnny Rotten sings ‘And there’s no future/In England’s dreaming’. Words that could very easily be aimed at the horrendous, post-Brexit government led by our worst Prime Minister of all time, Boris Johnson. There’s enough proof out there to suggest that God Save the Queen was actually number 1 in the week of the Jubilee, but the establishment and music industry got together to ensure Rod Stewart was at pole position to save face. I prefer disco to punk nearly always, but this is an important moment in music that shouldn’t be forgotten and shook up pop culture forever.

The Worst:

Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band – The Floral Dance

As weird 70s novelty hits go, this is a doozy. An instrumental track that had lyrics when originally recorded in 1911, this version was rearranged by a West Yorkshire brass band and shot up the charts at Christmas. Why, I’ve no idea. If anyone could tell me, please do. Such was its popularity, Radio One DJ legend Terry Wogan recorded a version soon after. Though less successful at the time, it’s the better known of the two now.

1978

After such a good year, 1978 is a big disappointment. It’s nearly exclusively 50s and 60s throwbacks, which I’m not too keen on and it’s also the year of Grease, which I actually love. I know, this is confusing… Doo-wop revival nine-piece Darts are first up with Come Back My Love, originally from 1955. It left little impression on me. New wave makes its debut here as Blondie scored their first hit with Denis. It may be a surprise that despite how great the New Yorkers undoubtedly are, I’m not that keen on this. Could be because it’s a cover of a 1963 doo-wop song, originally called Denise. Sadly it’s the only new wave tune to make it to number 2. Darts again with The Boy from New York City, which was originally from 1964. This is actually OK – possibly because it’s by renowned hitmakers Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller. Then it’s, er, The Smurf Song by Father Abraham. Originally only 1,000 copies of this promo for the Belgian children’s characters were made. It somehow became huge because, er, it was the 70s. I loved the 80s animated series as a child, but this is just weird. Best of the bunch so far is a song I don’t think I’d ever heard before. Substitute had been a Righteous Brothers song three years previous but this version was by South African all-girl rockers Clout. It’s got a great chorus, really infectious. Darts are back for a third time and we’re in the doldrums again. Unlike their previous hits, It’s Raining was an original. However, it’s still retro and poor too. I like Rose Royce’s disco-soul ballad Love Don’t Live Here Anymore, mainly due to the early use of the LinnDrum. It’s followed by Boney M and again, not a bad one by their standards. Rasputin is probably their best song. Songs from the Grease soundtrack were everywhere that year, with You’re the One That I Want and Summer Nights enjoying 16 weeks in total in the top spot. Sandy was kept from the top spot by the latter. This John Travolta solo song was written specifically from the movie and it’s pretty fun, especially his naff way of singing ‘why-aye-aye-oh-why’.

The Best:

Olivia Newton-John – Hopelessly Devoted to You

OK, this is a surprise I guess. Like I said, not a fan in general of 50s/60s rock’n’roll tributes, or musicals in fact. But seeing Grease at a young age left its mark and you can’t deny the power of nostalgia. This Olivia Newton-John vehicle was another that didn’t feature in the original musical. It was written by Shadows member John Farrar and was a last-minute addition for the film. There are a few better songs technically in this section (although not that many, poor year in general), but it’s fun to belt out, so it wins, OK?

The Worst:

Showaddywaddy – I Wonder Why

The Leicester retro rock’n’roll act’s cover of a Dion and the Belmonts 1958 hit is lazy, it’s not a great song anyway and I’ve definitely had my fill of this genre now.

1979

As with the number 1s, 1979 is a strong year for runner-ups, thanks largely to new wave. One of the most famous bands of the decade brings things down at either end of the year though, surprisingly. But we’ve a disco belter in the Village People’s In the Navy. I think I may actually prefer this to Y.M.C.A. London new wave outfit Squeeze have a strong showing with their two biggest hits. Cool for Cats, at number 2 the day I was born, is my favourite of the two with its excellent disco groove and cockney vocals from Chris Difford. He should sing more often. Also love the synth breakdown from Jools Holland. Some Girls by Racey is infectious, even if it is a bit naff. Chinnichap’s mark is all over it, but it seems a bit old-fashioned and naff for 1979. Nonetheless, I have a soft spot for it. One of my favourites of the year is the ironic one-hit wonder Pop Muzik by M, aka singer/musician Robin Scott, who reminds me of Bryan Ferry. Which is also ironic as he’s followed by Roxy Music with the classy, melancholic Dance Away. Squeeze returned with the nicely acerbic working-class humour of Up the Junction. Then there’s a gear change with the wonderful lovers rock classic Silly Games by Dennis Bovell. I’ve loved this track since it took centre stage in Steve McQueen’s Lovers Rock and that vocal by Janet Kay is amazing. More reggae to follow, but Can’t Stand Losing You isn’t one of The Police’s better tracks if you ask me. I prefer their number 1s that year – Message in a Bottle and especially Walking on the Moon. Not sure what to make of BA Robertson’s Bang Bang. It doesn’t feel like authentic new wave but it is a quite good facsimile, I guess. Blondie return with Dreaming, one of their less famous hits but one I enjoyed as the theme to the final series of The Deuce. Runner-up for track of the year is Queen’s effortless Elvis tribute Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Apparently Mercury had it down in five minutes. The final number 2 of the decade was ABBA’s naff ballad I Have a Dream. It’s one of their most famous tracks but this is the side of ABBA that turns me off – that Europop anthem sound leaves me cold. How horrible that Westlife’s cover of this was the final number 1 of the 20th century.

The Best:

Elvis Costello and The Attractions – Oliver’s Army

My favourite track by new wave firebrand Elvis Costello, Oliver’s Army is probably the world’s only glossy pop track about The Troubles. The addition of piano flourishes to remind the public of ABBA’s classic Dancing Queen adds to the brilliance of this tune, inspired by seeing young British soldiers patrolling the streets of Belfast. Costello notes here how, wherever the war (and others are certainly noted), ‘they always get a working class boy to do the killing’. Oliver’s Army has been controversial of late, much like Brown Sugar, due to the lyric ‘Only takes one itchy trigger/One more widow, one less white nigger’. Despite somehow passing censorship on the radio for more than 30 years, in 2013 BBC 6 Music began removing the phrase. This caused controversy, with fans of the song noting its anti-war message. ‘White nigger’ was a slur used against Irish Catholics and Costello’s grandfather was called it while serving the British Army. In 2020 Costello pointed out that censorship only served to highlight the phrase and so he announced he would no longer perform the song and asked radio stations to not play it. I can see both sides of this and it’s hard to know what’s best. Nonetheless, it’s a great song.

ABBA – Chiquitita

ABBA. Infuriating. Dancing Queen is one of the finest number 1s of the 70s and the had an amazing hitrate. But they also came out with some crap. I Had a Dream I’ve already noted, but they opened 1979 with this pap, inspired by the far superior Simon and Garfunkel track El Condor Pasa (If I Could).

The Best 70s Number 2 Ever is…

Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen

It’s a common belief that punk changed the landscape of pop music, putting an end to staid MOR and prog rock. While this has been exaggerated somewhat (it amuses me to discover that ELP overtook the Sex Pistols at number 2 after the Silver Jubilee), hearing this in the context of the biggest hits of the decade really does hammer home how scary and exciting this must have sounded in 1977. Yes, punk didn’t set the charts alight too much after this, but its influence is soon seen in all the new wave that came in its wake and set the scene for the 80s. And as i’ve already pointed out, the message of this song is sadly more relevant than ever. As the Platium Jubilee begins, the UK has never been more divided. What a shame there’s no equivalent to punk and the Pistols in 2022. A Disney+ biopic doesn’t count.

The Worst 70s Number 2 Ever is…

Gary Glitter – Oh Yes! You’re Beautiful

There may have been worse songs in the 70s, but no other artist sickens in the way Gary Glitter does. And this time there’s little you can say that’s positive about the song either. Glam at its most mundane – in slave to the 50s, with a lyric that can’t sound anything but sickening in 2022. A symbol of everything that was wrong with the 70s. Lazy… derivative… tasteless… fake… played by Jimmy Savile on the radio, no doubt. Rotten to the core.

The Outro

As usual, my journey through the number 2s of the 70s often mirrored the chart-toppers. We’ve rock holding centre stage at the start, with a fascinating mix of classics. Then glam becomes the biggest scene and it’s exciting at first, before running out of steam a few years later. However, things get interesting in 1976, because for the first time that I can remember, the number 2s are of a higher standard in general than the number 1s. And 1977 is a hell of a year, full of disco classics and lesser-known soul and funk tunes for the dancefloor. Boney M, whose chart-toppers I dissed, come out of this better. 1978, the year in which the biggest selling songs of the year started to get more interesting thanks to new wave, instead fares badly here, thanks to the seemingly never-ending array of 50s revival acts. Thankfully, we go out with a bang once more with 1979. In general, the standard of the 70s number 2s is interesting, but not as high as the 60s.

Right, that’s it for this blog for the foreseeable. I’ll be back to announce the release date of the next book eventually. Wish me luck!

383. ABBA – Mamma Mia (1976)

June 15, 2021October 22, 2023 / robbarker1979

The Intro

In 1974, ABBA looked ready to go huge. They’d won Eurovision with Waterloo, and then… not a lot happened. It seemed likely that Agnetha Fältskog, Björn Ulvaeus, Benny Andersson, and Anni-Frid Lyngstad were to become one-hit wonders. But 1976 proved the doubters wrong.

Before

So what did happen in the two years inbetween Waterloo and Mamma Mia? Well, ABBA’s UK record label didn’t help matters. They decided to follow up their Eurovision smash with a remix of Ring Ring, whereas elsewhere, Honey, Honey did pretty well, including reaching two in Germany. Ring Ring didn’t even enter the top 30, whereas a cover of Honey, Honey by Sweet Dreams went to 10.

November 1974 saw them embark on their first European tour, but most venues didn’t sell out and some dates even had to be cancelled. Around that time they released So Long as a single but it didn’t chart. It was followed in mid-1975 by I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do. It didn’t. Although it reached the top five in many European countries, it scaled the lofty heights of 38 in the UK.

Fortunately, things picked up after that. Their eponymous third studio album was released in April and hit number 13, and their next single SOS went to six. And rightly so – it’s one of their best.

Mamma Mia was the final track to be recorded for ABBA but would be the LP’s opener. It had been written at Ulvaeus and Fältskog’s home, and never intended as a single. It was even offered to Brotherhood of Man, soon to become Eurovision winners themselves, but they turned it down. Which is rather ironic when you consider they would completely rip off Fernando with their number 1 Angelo in 1977. In addition to Agnetha, Anni-Frid, Björn and Benny, it featured session musicians Janne Schafer on guitar, Mike Watson on bass and Roger Palm on drums. That distinctive and memorable sound you hear tick-rocking in the opening was a marimba, which was incorporated at the last minute when Andersson found one in the studio and rightly thought it could work well.

Review

As I stated in my blog for Waterloo, I’m far from ABBA’s biggest fan, and was turned off by them in general for many years, but there are exceptions to my rule. Where does Mamma Mia rate in my opinion? Well, it’s chock full of hooks and an excellent introduction to the songwriting of Andersson and Ulvaeus, featuring bittersweet lyrics set to an upbeat sound. While it can work well to use sad lyrics in a happy song, and it’s something ABBA would excel at, I’m not sure it works so well here. The girls are singing about being ‘cheated by you since I don’t know when’ and have had it happen so many times, it’s over. They don’t sound particularly cut up about that. However, you can rightly point out that love isn’t that simple, and as we discover, ‘just one look’ is all it takes to forget all the bad times, and bring the good rushing back. Such is love. Does ‘Mamma Mia’ sufficiently encapsulate the power of that love? It’s no ‘A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop, A-lop-bam-boom!’, that’s for sure, and was perhaps a placeholder that they decided to keep, with deadlines approaching.

Ultimately for me, despite its good points, Mamma Mia makes me think of the ‘cheesy’ aspects of ABBA that used to turn me off. They still sound a little ‘Eurovision’ here, and while I’m quite partial to a bit of cheese, and the guitar sound is a nice throwback to the glam they would soon ditch, I’m not fussed about hearing this song ever again. But I know I will, such is its ubiquity.

After

Mamma Mia was released in Australia in August, and spent 10 weeks at number 1. Epic went full steam ahead on promotion this time around in the UK, and it paid off. They filmed a video that’s proved to be an enduring image of the group – the girls and Ulvaeus dressed flamboyantly in white against a white backdrop, with Andersson tickling the ivories. You can see it in the link above.

It’s appropriate that future legends Queen, after nine weeks at the top, could only be defeated by another band that would in time be one of the biggest in the world. Even more appropriate when you consider that Bohemian Rhapsody contained the lyric ‘Mamma mia’ in the opera section.

The Outro

And of course, there’s the fact both bands have had musicals and films named after their songs. ABBA got there first, with the theatre show Mamma Mia! hitting the stage in 1999, followed by the cinema adaptation in 2008 and Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again in 2018. I’ve seen enough clips of the film, starring Meryl Streep and Colin Firth, to know that I would be physically ill if I was ever made to sit through it in full.

The Info

Written by

Benny Andersson, Stig Anderson & Björn Ulvaeus

Producers

Benny Andersson & Björn Ulvaeus

Weeks at number 1

2 (31 January-13 February)

Births

2 February: Swimmer James Hickman
10 February: Actress Keeley Hawes

Deaths

11 February: Actor Charlie Naughton
12 February: Philosopher John Lewis

Meanwhile…

2 February: Queen Elizabeth II opened the National Exhibition Centre in Birmingham.

4–15 February: Great Britain and northern Ireland competed at the Winter Olympics in Innsbruck, Austria. They only win one gold medal, on 11 February, when John Curry won the figure skating competition.

382. Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody (1975)

June 1, 2021October 21, 2023 / robbarker1979

The Intro

‘My time has come’

And how. Initially ridiculed upon its release, Bohemian Rhapsody established Queen as rock royalty. It is the third biggest number 1 of all time, selling over six million worldwide, and became the first to reach number 1 twice – for nine weeks in 1975/76 and again for five weeks in 1991/92 after singer Freddie Mercury’s death, making it the only song to be a Christmas number 1 twice. It also spearheaded the rise in popularity of music videos, had an Oscar-winning film named after it, and even has it’s own nickname. I will not be referring to it as ‘Bo Rap’ here.

Before

Before Queen there was Smile, a struggling rock band featuring guitarist Brian May and drummer Roger Taylor. Their singer, Tim Staffell, had befriended a fellow Ealing Art College student named Freddie Bulsara. The movie Bohemian Rhapsody contains many factual inaccuracies, and Bulsara joining Smile was the first. He didn’t stand and audition in broad daylight, he was already a fan when Staffell quit in 1970 to form Humpy Bong with former Bee Gees drummer Colin Petersen. Taylor’s friend Mike Grose became Smile’s bassist and soon after their first gig that June, Bulsara suggested they change their name to Queen. At the same time, he became Freddie Mercury. Several bassists later, John Deacon joined in February 1971.

Queen were playing to tiny audiences in the early 70s, but set to work on their eponymous debut. Queen was released in July 1973, with production by Roy Thomas Baker and John Anthony. It was a mix of heavy metal riffs and progressive rock, featuring tracks including debut single Keep Yourself Alive and My Fairy King, containing a mention of ‘Mother Mercury’, which is where the singer’s surname originated from. Neither Keep Yourself Alive or second single, also from the album, Liar, charted.

A month after the LP’s release they set to work on its sequel, Queen II, while supporting glam rockers Mott the Hoople on tour. When their next single was released shortly before the album, it rocketed to number 10. Seven Seas of Rhye showcased a more sophisticated production, very-70s fantastical lyrics, and was very catchy. Queen II, incidentally, features the Mick Rock photo of the band in Marlene Dietrich poses, which would prove the inspiration for much of the Bohemian Rhapsody video.

The third album, Sheer Heart Attack, got them noticed in the UK and abroad. A more eclectic collection, its first single, camp pop anthem Killer Queen just missed out on the top spot at two in the UK and was their first US hit. Now I’m Here got to 11 in the UK.

Queen’s star was rising ever higher, but they were broke and unhappy with their management deal with Trident Studios. They broke away and with Elton John’s manager John Reid taking care of business, they set to work on their fourth album A Night at the Opera.

Usually Queen’s songs germinated in the studio, but Mercury had it in mind to join together three song fragments, some dating back to the late-60s. Chris Smith, keyboardist in Smile, said that Mercury played him a tune he was working on called The Cowboy Song, which featured the lyrics ‘Mama, just killed a man’. Producer Roy Thomas Baker once recalled Mercury playing him the opening section on the piano, stopping abruptly and saying ‘and this is where the opera section comes in!’.

Mercury, May, Deacon and Taylor rehearsed Bohemian Rhapsody and other songs from A Night at the Opera at Ridge Farm Studio in Surrey in mid-75. The recording of the single began on 24 August at Rockfield Studios in Monmouth, Wales, but due to its elaborate nature was also recorded at Roundhouse, Sarm East Studios, Scorpio Sound and Wessex Sound Studios.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBqMbefDgys

Review

There have been many interpretations of the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody. Is it Mercury dealing with personal issues? May has suggested it was, but that he never actually said so to the other band members. Could he be talking about his homosexuality? He hadn’t come out to his then-partner Mary Austin at that point. Taylor said on a BBC Three documentary about the song that he thought the subject matter was ‘fairly self-explanatory’ with ‘a bit of nonsense in the middle’. It’s definitely worth noting that when Queen released a Greatest Hits in Iran (the first official pop release ever in that country), they included a booklet with translations and explanations of the songs. It says that Bohemian Rhapsody is about a young man who has accidentally killed someone and, like Faust, sold his soul to the devil. On the night before his execution he calls God in Arabic, ‘Bismillah’, and so regains his soul from Satan. So perhaps we really are meant to take the lyrics literally.

Where does one start with a review of Bohemian Rhapsody?! It’s almost too big to even have one. I first heard it on a cassette compilation as a child, and back then, strangely, I didn’t find it too weird. Maybe childhood in the 80s was so constantly weird, a nearly-six-minute-long single about murder and the devil didn’t seem that strange. The thing I found ‘very, very frightening’ was the video. Growing up, Mercury’s look was short hair and moustache. Seeing him looking different, lined up in that famous formation with the others, I found them all ghostly and unsettling, but Mercury especially. At first, I didn’t even believe they were the same person.

How strange that this stitched together prog-influenced epic should somehow become a monolith of pop music. The nearest thing to it in 1975 is 10 cc’s I’m Not in Love, another lengthy symphony, but at least that has a relatable message at its core. Bohemian Rhapsody just screams ‘album track’. So why has it not only endured, but grown in stature?

It may well be as basic as: it’s fun to sing along to, from power ballad to surreal opera to rock anthem and back to ballad, it’s as eclectic as it gets. Like I’m Not in Love, it’s beautifully produced and sounds great through good speakers. It also shows how far production had come since The Beach Boys similarly landmark moment Good Vibrations in 1966 (Brian Wilson was very complimentary about Bohemian Rhapsody). And the moment in which the opera section turns to rock is always a total joy and release of energy and tension. May’s guitar work throughout is excellent, not just when he rocks out either, he does a great line in maudlin accompaniment as Mercury describes his woes.

Of course, Bohemian Rhapsody is really all about Mercury. What a voice. Anyone can attempt and enjoy singing along to this track, as I’ve already said, but nobody could perform it with the prowess of Mercury. And as downright odd as the opera section may be, it’s a great display of an amazing vocal talent. Not that it’s only Mercury at that point – he takes the middle range, with May on the low notes and Taylor on the high. To create the virtual choir took 180 separate overdubs and three weeks alone to finish. The tape was worn out several times, resulting in repeated transfers. The piano Mercury plays is the same used by Paul McCartney on another lengthy number 1 classic, Hey Jude.

My opinion of Bohemian Rhapsody has changed several times over throughout my life. I loved it in my teens and 20s, and spent much of my 30s thoroughly sick to death of it, and feeling there were many better ‘weird’, long songs out there that did what it does better. I was wrong to an extent, and in my 40s, I love it once more. I’m no superfan of Queen, and can take or leave some of their material. But this is fantastic and deserving of its status.

Back to the video. It does annoy me when this gets the credit of being the first promo for a single. It’s simply not true. Promos were being made in the 60s. The Beatles made loads, for example. And Queen! What is true is that they became more and more popular, and more adventurous in the wake of this number 1. You may well see more and more appearing on this blog. According to May, they decided on a video to avoid miming a complex song on Top of the Pops and were touring at the time anyway. I wonder what Pan’s People would have made of it?

It was filmed in November 1975 at Elstree Studios and directed by Bruce Gowers. The spooky effect in which Mercury’s face repeats on ‘Magnifico’ and ‘Let me go’ is a very simple trick in which a camera is pointed at a monitor, creating visual feedback. I stumbled across it as a teenager while playing with my camcorder and it blew my mind. After the many hours spent recording the song, the video was ready in five hours and rushed to the BBC for its debut on Top of the Pops.

After

Despite pressure from EMI, Queen wouldn’t cave in and edit Bohemian Rhapsody, thankfully. Radio 1 DJ Kenny Everett, a close friend of Mercury, was instrumental in its initial success. He promised the band not to play the song in full at first and he would tease listeners by playing snippets. Eventually he played it in full 14 times in two days, and fans were asking in shops for it before its release.

The Outro

Bohemian Rhapsody‘s nine-week run was the longest concurrent stint since Paul Anka’s Diana in 1957. An incredible achievement, particularly for such a bold experiment in pop. It even reached nine in the US, which was also unexpected. Perhaps another reason it did so well is the sense I get after reviewing 1975’s number 1s that with depressingly few exceptions, it was a rather drab year for pop. With glam gone and disco yet to make its mark, few songs stand out or push the envelope other than this or I’m Not in Love, and Space Oddity is six years old at this point. 1976 would be another poor year, although ABBA were about to make a big return. Weirdly, Mamma Mia would finally dislodge Bohemian Rhapsody, a rather odd event considering the latter’s ‘Mamma mia let me go’.

The Info

Written by

Freddie Mercury

Producers

Roy Thomas Baker & Queen

Weeks at number 1

9 (29 November 1975-30 January 1976)

Trivia

Births

5 December 1975: Snooker World Champion Ronnie O’Sullivan
12 December: Gymnast Jackie Brady
19 January 1976: Actress Marsha Thomason
21 January: Spice Girl Emma Bunton

Deaths

29 November 1975: Racing driver Tony Brise (see below)/Racing driver Graham Hill (see below)
5 January 1976: Beatles roadie Mal Evans
12 January: Writer Agatha Christie
13 January: Actress Margaret Leighton

Meanwhile…

29 November: Two-time Formula One world champion Graham Hill, 46, dies in an air crash in Hertfordshire. He was piloting a plane in thick fog containing five other members of the Embassy Hill team who all also died, including Tony Brise.

5 December – The Government ends internment of suspected terrorists in Northern Ireland.

6-12 December: IRA members on the run from police break into a London flat on Balcombe Street, taking the residents hostage. The siege ends after six days with the gunmen giving themselves up to the police.

11 December: Donald Neilson is arrested in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire on suspicion of being the ‘Black Panther’, believed to have carried out five murders in the last two years.

29 December 1975: The Sex Discrimination Act 1975 and the Equal Pay Act 1970 come into force.

2 January 1976: Hurricane-force winds of up to 105mph kill 22 people across Britain, causing millions of pounds worth of damage to buildings and vehicles.

5 January: 10 Protestant men are killed in the Kingsmill massacre at South Armagh, Northern Ireland, by members of the IRA who used the alias ‘South Armagh Republican Action Force’.

7 January: The third Cod War continues, with British and Icelandic ships clashing.

18 January: The Scottish Labour Party was formed by a group of disaffected Labour MPs. It disbanded five years later.

20 January: Emily Jackson is stabbed to death in Leeds, and police believe she may have been killed by the same man who murdered Wilma McCann in the city three months previously. It is revealed that Jackson was a part-time prostitute and the unidentified killer becomes known as ‘The Yorkshire Ripper’.

21 January: The first commercial Concorde flight takes off from Heathrow.

29 January: 12 IRA bombs explode in London’s West End. They are the first in the city in over a year.

288. Mungo Jerry – In the Summertime (1970)

February 6, 2020September 18, 2023 / robbarker1979 / 1 Comment

The Intro

For a while, weirdly, it looked like Mungo Jerry may be the heirs to The Beatles’ throne. This rock/pop/skiffle/jug band scored 1970’s biggest-selling number 1, and one of the most memorable songs about summer of all time with their debut single In the Summertime. ‘Mungomania’ was a very real thing.

Before

Mungo Jerry formed from the ashes of 60s rock’n’roll and blues band The Good Earth, featuring, among others, singer-songwriter and guitarist Ray Dorset and keyboardist Colin Earl. The other half of the band were gone by the end of 1968, and with one remaining commitment – the Oxford University Christmas Ball of 1968 – left to go, Dorset hired Joe Rush to play double bass. The Good Earth played again when the night was over, performing folk, skiffle and jug band originals and covers.

This more low-key, acoustic version of the band went down well, and they built a following thanks to regular gigs. Banjoist, guitarist, and blues harp player Paul King made them a quartet. Rush left, to be replaced by Mike Cole, and they changed their name to Mungo Jerry, taking the name from TS Elliot’s poem ‘Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer’, as featured in Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats.

Mungo Jerry signed with Pye Records, who placed them on their progressive imprint Dawn Records. They set to work recording their eponymous debut album, and the tracks that would make up their first single. This was to be one of, if not the first maxi-single in the UK. Vinyl maxi-singles were played at 33⅓rpm, rather than 45, and featured more than two tracks.

Dorset was still working his day job in a lab for watchmakers Timex when he came up with lead track In the Summertime, which he knocked off in 10 minutes. Clearly he could tell this ditty could make for a great debut for Mungo Jerry, but it’s unlikely he knew the impact this tale of youthful freewheeling would have for the next half a century.

Review

Much like Norman Greenbaum’s Spirit in the Sky, In the Summertime will be the one track associated with Mungo Jerry (despite a second, long-since-forgotten, number 1), has been used countless times in the media, and is a tune neither I or millions more will ever tire of. It’s all about that loveable, rickety old backing track, really, with a distinctive rhythm created by Dorset stomping and playing an African percussive instrument called the cabasa. I assume it’s also him doing the breathy interjections. Dorset’s an interesting character. His voice has an unusual bleating quality, like a friendly sheep. Footage of him from back in the day though, such as in the video they filmed for the single, above, used to scare me when I was younger. I used to think, with all the teeth and sideburns, he was some kind of hairy villain. Special mention must go to Earl’s piano riff, too.

50 years on, its the lyrics that prove problematic. In the Summertime is a song about being young, about the generational divide of 1970. You could even call it a somewhat passive-aggressive statement of intent:
‘We’re no threat, people,
We’re not dirty, we’re not mean,
We love everybody but we do as we please’

Dorset and his gang are happy-go-lucky, but in the end, they’ll do what they want, so don’t stop them. And that involves womanising and driving recklessly, possibly while under the influence. The lyric ‘If her daddy’s rich take her out for a meal/If her daddy’s poor just do what you feel’ may have just sounded cheeky back then, but it’s unpleasant to hear these days.

And of course, thanks to a memorable public information film from 1992, it’s ‘Have a drink, have a drive/Go out and see what you can find’ that stands out the most. Anyone that saw this at the time will likely never get the graphic image of the drink-driving accident out of their head whenever they hear this song. But because my mind has unlimited storage for 80s adverts, I also can’t hear it without picturing the curly-haired juggler of oranges in the rewritten version for Outspan. Pretty sure that’s Dorset himself singing ‘Grab an Outspan, the small ones are more juicy naturally’.

After

Despite the bad vibes of some of Dorset’s lyrics in the 21st century, it’s such an addictive song, it seems it’s never going to go away, and I’m glad about that. In the Summertime stayed at number 1 for seven weeks that summer – the lengthiest run of the 70s until Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody managed nine weeks in 1975/76. The UK’s brief flirtation with Mungomania had begun.

The Outro

Jamaican-American rapper Shaggy released a version of In the Summertime in 1995, which reached number five that summer. Featuring his mate Rayvon, it eschewed the drink-drive references, but kept the rest of the dodgy bits intact.

The Info

Written by

Ray Dorset

Producer

Barry Murray

Weeks at number 1

7 (13 June-31 July) *BEST-SELLING SINGLE OF THE YEAR*

Trivia

Births

19 June: Singer-songwriter MJ Hibbett
20 June: Field hockey player Russell Garcia
22 June: Field hockey player Christine Cook
24 June: Footballer David May
25 June: Actress Lucy Benjamin
2 July: Footballer Steve Morrow
6 July: Singer-songwriter Martin Smith
7 July: Boxer Wayne McCullough
10 July: Take That singer Jason Orange/Actor John Simm
11 July: Conservative MP Saj Karim
29 July: Children’s TV presenter Andi Peters
30 July: Director Christopher Nolan
31 July: Actor Ben Chaplin

Deaths:

15 June: Scottish sociologist Robert Morrison MacIver
27 June: Artist Edwin La Dell
30 June: Dramatist Githa Sowerby
7 July: Publisher Allen Lane
20 July: Conservative MP Iain Macleod

Meanwhile…

13 June: Actor Laurence Olivier was made a life peer in the Queen’s Birthday Honours list. Olivier was the first actor to be made a lord.

14 June: England’s defence of the FIFA World Cup came to an end when they lost 3-2 to West Germany at the quarter final in Mexico (see here).

17 June: The bodies of two children were discovered in shallow graves in woodland at Waltham Abbey, Essex. The bodies were believed to be those of Susan Blatchford (11) and Gary Hanlon (12). The tow children had last been seen alive near their homes in North London on 31 March. This became known as the “Babes in the wood” case.
Also on this day, British Leyland launched its luxury Range Rover.

18 June: The first general election in which 18-year-olds were entitled to vote. Opinion polls pointed towards a record third consecutive victory for the Labour government, led by Harold Wilson.

19 June: Edward Heath’s Conservative Party defied expectations, to win the election with a majority of 30 seats. Notable new MPs included future Labour leaders Neil Kinnock and John Smith for Labour, and Kenneth Clarke, Kenneth Baker, Norman Fowler and Geoffrey Howe, who would all serve in Margaret Thatcher’s Conservative Cabinet in the 80s.

21 June: British golfer Tony Jacklin won the U.S. Open.

22 June: The Methodist Church allowed women to become full ministers for the first time.

26 June: Riots broke out in Derry over the arrest of Mid-Ulster MP Bernadette Devlin.

29 June: 32-year-old Caroline Thorpe, wife of Liberal Party leader Jeremy Thorpe, died in a car crash.

3 July: British Army soldiers battled with IRA troops in Belfast, leading to the deaths of three civilians.
Also on that day, 112 were killed when Dan-Air Flight 1903 from Manchester to Barcelona crashed in the mountains of Northern Spain. There were no survivors.

8 July: Roy Jenkins became Deputy Leader of the Labour Party.

14 July: 5 speedway riders were killed in Lokeren, Belgium when a minibus carrying members of the West Ham speedway team crashed into a petrol tanker after a brief tour. One of the casualties was Phil Bishop, a founding member of the West Ham speedway team from before World War Two.

15 July: Dockers voted to strike, leading to a state of emergency the following day.

16–25 July: The British Commonwealth Games were held in Edinburgh. Australia came first, England second, Scotland fourth and Northern Ireland were 10th on the medal table.

17 July: Lord Pearson proposed a settlement of dockers’ strike.

30 July: The dockers’ strike was settled.

31 July – The last issue of grog in the Royal Navy was distributed.

Every Christmas Number 1

December 16, 2017April 8, 2021 / robbarker1979

The Intro

I’ve been blogging my reviews of all the UK number 1s in order for four months now, and have reached the end of 1957. Despite not being a fan of 50s music in general (maybe that’s a bit harsh, I should say I’m not too knowledgeable about it), I’ve found it more interesting than expected. Hopefully, some of the readers I’ve gathered are enjoying it too.

Anyway, I decided a nice addition for Christmas would be to work my way through every Christmas number 1 to date. Now, I love music, and I’m also fond of Christmas, so initially it sounds like a no-brainer. However, Christmas number 1s are a complete wild card. No matter the decade, no matter your musical taste, it would be impossible to enjoy them all. Indeed, after a first glance, I realised there are far fewer festive songs than you’d maybe expect. From children’s songs, to rock’n’roll and psychedelic classics, to total, utter dross, the Christmas number 1 offers examples of the mammoth highs and terrible lows of pop music over the last 65 years. And although sadly pop is no longer the cultural force it once was, the Christmas number 1 is still considered important. So much so, they even bring Top of the Pops back especially for it.

So, 69 songs (if a number 1 was a double A-side, I’ve included both), 4 hours and 15 minutes of seasonal chart-toppers, broken down into decisions on the best and worst of each decade, and then one overall winner. With two young children in my house, it would be impossible to take on this task in one sitting. So I decided to do it while working my day job, which today is working on, appropriately enough, the Christmas TV listings for TV Times. I think I already know which song will win out. Let’s see if I’m right…

The 50s

The 50s songs went by in a blur. This could be because I started listening at 7.30 in the morning and didn’t have enough caffeine in me, but it’s also because the charts didn’t start until 1952, and most tracks were pretty concise back then. In fact the first ever Christmas number 1 was the first ever chart-topper – Al Martino’s Here in My Heart. With pop music in its infancy, the yuletide number 1 wasn’t yet an event, and there wasn’t a festive-themed chart-topper until crooner Dickie Valentine’s Christmas Alphabet in 1955, which is a slight but charming enough number. You could perhaps argue Winifred Atwell had kicked things off the year previous, with the piano knees-up Let’s Have Another Party – it contained a snatch of When the Red Red Robin. Harry Belafonte’s Mary’s Boy Child in 1957 was the last explicitly Christmas song to reign until Slade’s Merry Xmas Everybody, 16 years later.

Elvis-mania changed pop forever and rock’n’roll ruled the roost in the late 50s. For me, this is where music started to get interesting, so it’s probably no coincidence that one of my favourites of the 50s was the last – Emile Ford and the Checkmates’ clever and cocky What Do You Want to Make Those Eyes at Me For? (1959), later covered by Shakin’ Stevens.

The Best:

Johnnie Ray –Just Walkin‘ in the Rain (1956): One of rock’n’roll’s pioneers, the eccentric, troubled ‘Mr Emotion’ sang this melancholic yet strangely cheery song written by two men languishing in prison. It’s not seasonal in the slightest, it’s just a great song by an influential but under-appreciated talent. One listen and you won’t be able to resist whistling the refrain. I can’t whistle, but this is one of the few times I wished I could.

The Worst:

Frankie Laine with Paul Weston & His Orchestra – Answer Me (1953): The hardest part of blogging about many of those early number 1s was wading through the sea of near-identical overwrought ballads. The majority of them leave me cold, and despite Frankie being able to hold a note well, this did nothing for me. Hilariously, the BBC banned it at the time due to the then-shocking mention of God in the lyrics, which only increased its sales. The BBC clearly never learnt its lesson, as this wasn’t the last time this happened to a future number 1.

The 60s

Pop music evolved at a mind-blowing rate and came of age during this decade. Obviously the 60s were dominated by the best group of all time, The Beatles, and they also hold the record for most festive number 1s to date, with four in total – I Want to Hold Your Hand (1963), I Feel Fine (1964), Day Tripper/We Can Work it Out (1965) and Hello Goodbye (1967). Never anything but a pleasure to listen to, John, Paul, George and Ringo played a large part in making this decade’s list pretty darn enjoyable. The classic Moon River, sang by Danny Williams, topped the charts in 1961, and Elvis also got a look-in, with one of his better tracks – Return to Sender, in 1962.

In the latter half of the decade, children’s records grew in popularity, and were obviously going to sell well in December, beginning the trend for novelty Christmas number 1s. The Scaffold’s Lily the Pink (1968) may be irritating but served it’s purpose, and my five-year-old seemed to love it recently. More problematic is Rolf Harris’s Two Little Boys in 1969. Finding out what a pervert Rolf Harris was, under everybody’s radar, for so long was like finding out there’s no such thing as Father Christmas, yet this tune seems somehow still strangely moving, and now sadder than ever, because he’s bloody ruined it for everyone.

The Best:

The Beatles – Hello Goodbye (1967): It was always going to be a Beatles song. I did struggle between Day Tripper and Hello Goodbye, though. Despite the former’s killer riff, I decided to go with the latter, as I’m a sucker for most psychedelic 60s stuff. Although it’s not the Fab Four’s best example of pyschedelia, I love it’s joyous simplicity, and especially the singalong at the end, which is lie-affirming pop at its best. I also think it would make for a hilarious funeral song.

The Worst:

Cliff Richard and The Shadows – I Love You (1960): Look at that title, it’s as generic as it gets, which at least sets the scene for the song itself. Tepid, basic and very forgettable, it’s no wonder it’s been largely forgotten. Cliff of course became a festive staple in the 80s. Whatever you might think of his later yuletide tunes, you’d find it difficult to argue that they’re not better than this.

The 70s

It was in this decade that the idea of the Christmas Number 1 really became an event, beginning with Slade and Wizzard’s battle for best festive anthem in 1973. An honourable mention for fellow glam rockers Mud’s Elvis tribute Lonely This Christmas (1974) – always had a soft spot for that one. Benny Hill’s children’s song Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) in 1971 was deceptively filthy – I’ve never realised just how smutty the lyrics were until today (although to be fair I probably haven’t heard it in full since I was about seven).

Several ‘classics’ also hit the top, and having long since grown bored of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody (1975), I was impressed by it for the first time in years. It’s complexity and sheer oddness really made it stand out during my mammoth listen, and I didn’t mind hearing it again once I reached the songs of the 90s (it was of course reissued following Freddie Mercury’s death in 1991). Wings’ Mull of Kintyre (the biggest single of the decade) seems to be either loved or hated – I just think it’s alright – but who remembers it was actually a double A-side, along with the long-forgotten rocker Girls School (which fared far better in the US) in 1977? Mary’s Boy’s Boy Child – Oh My Lord (1978) saw Boney M cover Belafonte’s 1957 tune, livening it up but increasing the tackiness tenfold.

I find it hilarious and brilliant that Pink Floyd’s dark disco classic Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2) was 1979’s festive bestseller. I don’t know about you, but nothing says Christmas more than a choir of children singing ‘We don’t need no education/We don’t need no thought control’ with an air of menace.

The Best:

Slade – Merry Xmas Everybody (1973): Overfamiliarity hasn’t dimmed my love of Noddy bellowing ‘IT’S CHRRIISSSTTTMMMAAASSS!’, and although I sometimes think I prefer Wizzard’s I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday, it was Slade that won out back then, so it was Slade I heard today, finally bringing some yuletide cheer back into my rundown, and doing it with such wit and a tune that still holds up so well. I think the fact the production doesn’t labour the festive theme, unlike some of the songs yet to come, only adds to its brilliance.

The Worst:

Jimmy Osmond – Long Haired Lover from Liverpool (1972): Jesus Christ. That’s the only thing I can say about this that’s remotely festive, but it’s not meant as a compliment. I know the Osmonds were huge back then but I fail to see how anyone ever found this remotely appealing. It’s memorable I guess, but so is a bout of diarrhoea. My ears were genuinely pained when Jimmy hit the high notes, and it seemed to go on forever.

The 80s

I was born in 1979, so it’s this decade that takes me back to Christmas as a child. One of my earliest memories is of clutching my copy of Do They Know It’s Christmas? (1984) in the playground before taking it to a school Christmas disco, aged five. A landmark moment in music, it was of course the start of charity singles gunning for the all-important top spot, and it’s a classic, but it’s controversially not even in my top two 80s number 1s. And the less said about the Stock, Aitken and Waterman-produced Band Aid II version (1989), the better. I wondered why it had been airbrushed from history and I was only 20 seconds in before realising why. It’s total crap.

The quality of the number 1s really jumped about in the 80s, particularly the first half. Special mention must go to The Human League’s electro classic Don’t You Want Me (1981). I really struggled to decide whether this was my 80s favourite, or the one that just pipped it to the post. It may not be seasonal in the slightest, but I’m not purely judging these singles on festive merit, which is why Do They Know It’s Christmas?, the highest-selling festive chart-topper of all time, isn’t the winner.

Warm memories of the reissue of Jackie Wilson’s Reet Petite in 1986, originally from 1956, were rekindled. And although it’s terrible, I found myself amused by Renée and Renato’s Save Your Love (1982), because it’s damn funny and it reminded me of the Kenny Everett spoof. Plus I think my mind might have started unravelling by this point. You can certainly argue that Cliff Richard’s Mistletoe and Wine is tacky shit, but nostalgia can really affect critical judgement, so I won’t be agreeing, sorry.

The Best:

Pet Shop Boys – Always on My Mind (1987): I feel this may be a controversial choice due to it having nothing to do with Christmas, and the fact it kept Fairytale of New York from number 1, but I picked it because it’s bloody brilliant, and for me, this cover of the ballad made famous by Elvis gets better with age. Taking a great song, transforming it and improving upon it is no easy task, but Nick Tennant and Chris Lowe did so without any of their usual irony, simply turning it into a disco juggernaut. There’s no wonder it often finds itself in the upper reaches of lists of best cover versions of all time. Joss Ackland didn’t half used to scare me in the video, though.

The Worst:

St Winifred’s School Choir – There’s No One Quite Like Grandma (1980): Like Pet Shop Boys, this kept a festive classic off the top, namely Jona Lewie’s excellent Stop the Cavalry. However, unlike Pet Shop Boys, it’s wretched. And did a nation coming to terms with the murder of John Lennon really pick this over reissues of his work? A perfect example of Christmas chart insanity, like Long Haired Lover from Liverpool before it, this grates big time. And yet, I’d still take it over some of the ‘serious’ work that’s yet to come…

The 90s

The Christmas number 1s of the late 80s had marked the turning point, in which the standard began to fall, with occasional exceptions. I knew this before beginning my foolhardy task, but failed to appreciate how painful the job was going to become. Cliff had his third and final appearance to date (he was part of Band Aid II) with the execrable Saviour’s Day (1990) (The pan pipes! Not the pan pipes!), in which he came up with his own, duller version of Christmas. No thanks, Cliff, we’re happy with mistletoe and wine. Queen pared up Freddie Mercury’s farewell, These Are the Days of Our Lives, with a reissue of 1975’s Bohemian Rhapsody (1991), and I was tempted to award the best of the decade to the latter, but in the end it seemed unfair to let it have two chances.

By this point in my youth I was starting to develop my own tastes, and my music snobbery had begun. I hated the seemingly eternal reign of Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You back in 1992, and it didn’t do much for me in 2017 either. I did appreciate Houston’s singing more than I used to, though. It’s the production that kills it. Mr Blobby (1993)… this track came up more than any other when I told people what I would be doing, as though this would be the ultimate form of torture. You know what? It wasn’t. I genuinely found myself laughing at it. The people behind it were sick geniuses, throwing every trick in the book to seemingly irritate and infuriate anyone who didn’t watch Noel’s House Party. In fact, after rehearing it, I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if one day it turned out to be yet another prank by twisted geniuses The KLF. Just as insane in it’s own way was Michael Jackson’s Earth Song in 1995. Fair play to the self-proclaimed ‘King of Pop’ for trying to highlight the damage humans have done to the world, but heavily implying he was some kind of Messiah-like figure while doing so was a bit daft.

Who would have thought that East 17 would be one of the decade’s few Christmas highlights with Stay Another Day (1994)? Then and now I found the Walthamstow gang ridiculous, but I have to hand it to songwriter Tony Mortimer, Stay Another Day is a great song, especially when you know it was written about his brother, who committed suicide. Poor old troubled Brian Harvey sings it well, too. He veers out of tune at times, but that fits perfectly in the context of this song. I admire the chutzpah of tacking on bells at the end, but it’s a shame it was then adopted by seemingly every other boy band aiming for a number 1 on 25 December.

The Best:

Spice Girls – 2 Become 1 (1996): I have an inkling this may also be a controversial choice, mainly for people who know me. Back in the day I claimed to hate the Spice Girls. I was a huge Britpop fan and I blamed them for ruining pop music by not being ‘for real’. It didn’t occur to me that many guitar-bands were running out of steam, or becoming so experimental, they were never going to maintain their followings. Now I’m nearly 40, I’m less concerned with whether a song is ‘cool’ or not, and grudgingly admit the early Spice Girls singles were great pop songs. You have to make room for love ballads at Christmas, and 2 Become 1 is a great example of one. I’ve even been known to listen to it outside of Christmas. And you have to admire the fact it gets a cheeky reference to wearing a condom in there. Their next two yuletide number 1s, Too Much (1997) and Goodbye (1998), were tosh, though.

The Worst:

Westlife – I Have a Dream/Seasons in the Sun (1999): This was the easiest choice to make by far. I hated Westlife for being the final number 1 ‘artists’ of the 20th century. Was this really what the last 50 years of pop had been leading up to?! Time has certainly not changed my mind. I’d forgotten this was coming up so soon, and as the Irish boy band’s tepid cover of ABBA’s I Have a Dream began, I wanted to punch my ears. Only problem is, that would have pushed my earphones further down my now long-suffering hearing vessels, and thus increasing the torture. The next two or three minutes were vacuous, contemptible, cynical pap, but at least it would soon be over. Fuck! It’s a double-A-side! And they’ve had a go at a song about dying! I think Seasons in the Sun is actually even worse! This single only deserves to be the final number 1 of the millennium because it signposts the downward trajectory in quality and worth of the charts in the 21st century to date. But I’d rather listen to There’s No One Quite Like Grandma than ever suffer these two songs again.

The 00s

Before Simon Cowell did irreparable damage to December’s charts with the X Factor, there were a few more years of oddities. At 21, I had no time for Bob the Builder’s Can We Fix It? back in 2000, but coming after Westlife in my marathon listen, it was actually easy on the ears. It’s quite funny to think Neil Morrissey has had a number 1 with a dance anthem. Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman’s Something Stupid (2001) seemed rather pointless, then and now. Girls Aloud had won Popstars: The Rivals in 2002, and Sound of the Underground still sounds like one of the few reality show songs that wasn’t a power ballad put together by a committee. Perhaps if talent show winners were still releasing songs like this, The X Factor wouldn’t finally be dying a slow death.

Michael Andrew and Gary Jules’s haunting cover of Tears For Fears’ Mad World (from the film Donnie Darko) seemed an appropriate choice after the conflict in Iraq in 2003, but strikes me as simply too downbeat now. Easily the most depressing track in the collection. The 20th anniversary of Do They Know It’s Christmas? brought about yet another version, and while Band Aid 20’s cover is better than Band Aid II, it goes on way too long and sounds too earnest. Speaking of earnest…

The second series of The X Factor in 2005 was where the Christmas charts were first hijacked. The next five years were wall-to-wall Cowell. Manufactured MOR with a revolving door of singers, some who have long since been forgotten about. Alexandra Burke’s Hallelujah (2008) was the only remotely memorable one, and that’s undoubtedly due to me loving Jeff Buckley’s version of the Leonard Cohen classic, which was that year’s runner-up.

The Best:

Rage Against the Machine – Killing in the Name (2009): By the close of the 00s, some record buyers had had enough of Cowell’s dominance. Beginning an internet campaign which quickly snowballed, Zack de la Rocha and co’s rap-metal call for revolution from 1992 was the perfect antidote to yet another lightweight pop ballad. After suffering so much tripe beforehand I was on the verge of shouting ‘THANK FUCK’ in the middle of the office. Although it wasn’t the end of X Factor number 1s, Rage Against the Machine had inflicted serious damage to their stranglehold of the charts.

The Worst:

Leon Jackson – When You Believe (2007): Jackson won the fourth series of the X Factor with this cover of a power ballad sung by Whitney Houston & Mariah Carey for the animation The Prince of Egypt in 1998. Dreary and tedious, it’s a throwback to some of the very first number 1s of the early 1950s and the worst X Factor Christmas number 1. I don’t think Jackson has been seen since – another victim of Cowell’s ruthlessness.

The 10s

Rage Against Machine had given the list a much-needed kick up the arse, but I don’t think it was just the potential lethargy my ears were suffering that caused the remaining tracks to be a tough listen. In addition to further X Factor tracks, charity singles became very popular once more, beginning with Wherever You Are by Military Wives with Gareth Malone in 2011. Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir’s A Bridge over You (2015) was along similar lines, combining Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water and Coldplay’s Fix You. I don’t want to belittle charity singles, but the combination of these and yet more talent show winners made for a very musically uninspiring final few tracks.

Some potential hope for the future came with the last song of all. Rockabye (2016), by Clean Bandit featuring Sean-Paul and Anne-Marie, broke the malaise that had set in and was simply a modern pop song by a young group, just like in the old days. It didn’t do much for me personally, but pop should primarily be for the young, not a man who’s nearly 40, so fair play to them. Here’s hoping there’s further life in the charts for years to come.

The Best:

The Justice Collective – He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother (2012): Adopting the Band Aid approach and featuring an all-star cast of musicians and celebrities, The Justice Collective was assembled by Peter Hooton of The Farm, in order to raise money for various charities associated with the Hillsborough disaster. Covering the classic Hollies track was an inspired choice, and it would be difficult to not be moved by this, whatever your thoughts on charity songs.

The Worst:

Matt Cardle – When We Collide (2010): Shock, horror – it’s another X Factor song! Matt Cardle won the seventh series and released a cover of rock band Biffy Clyro’s Many of Horror and renamed it, for some reason. That’s the most interesting thing I can say about this leaden waste of time.

The Best UK Christmas Number 1 Ever is…

Slade – Merry Xmas Everybody (1973): I predicted this would win beforehand, but I didn’t predict just how many non-festive songs it would be up against, so Noddy, Dave, Don and Jim almost won by default. That’s not to take anything away from their win though. If it wasn’t for their chart battle with Wizzard, would the Christmas number 1 be the annual event it still is today? Possibly not. Back in 1973, the UK was going through a rough ride, with strikes and power cuts, and Merry Xmas Everybody brought some light back into (literally) dark times. 44 years later, we need this song more than ever.

The Worst UK Christmas Number 1 Ever is…

Westlife – I Have a Dream/Seasons in the Sun (1999): I think I made my feelings on this clear earlier, but even thinking about the damage it did to my ears is making me angry all over again. Pop music at it’s very dreariest, and far more offensive than any of the novelty hits I’ve had to suffer. I expected my lowest-rated song to be from the X Factor conveyor belt, but I feel some degree of sympathy towards those artists involved. It’s the man behind them that’s the true villain of chart music.

The Outro

Well, that was quite an experience. Yes, you could argue putting myself through every Christmas number 1, only to ultimately rediscover my love for Slade and hatred for Westlife, was pointless, but, despite my forlorn face above, and lots of moaning within this feature, it’s made for a fascinating experience. Tracing the Christmas number 1s from the inception of the charts has been like following the history of pop itself, which is after all what this site is all about. And no number 1 single better captures the eccentricities of the record-buying public than the Christmas number 1, throwing some real curveballs in there. Of course, listening to a history of pop like this has highlighted how far chart music has fallen over the last few decades. But there is still some hope for the future. And while this four-hour-plus experience has left me somewhat scarred, I’m already wondering if next year I should make my way through every UK Christmas number 2… Maybe I have developed a form of musical Stockholm Syndrome?

Of course, everyone’s entitled to an opinion… why not tell me yours? Feel free to shout me down and leave a comment in the box below the list.

Every UK Christmas Number 1 (1952-2016)

1952: Al Martino – Here in My Heart
1953: Frankie Laine with Paul Weston & His Orchestra – Answer Me
1954: Winifred Atwell & Her ‘Other’ Piano – Let’s Have Another Party
1955: Dickie Valentine with Johnny Douglas & His Orchestra – Christmas Alphabet
1956: Johnnie Ray – Just Walkin’ in the Rain
1957: Harry Belafonte – Mary’s Boy Child
1958: Conway Twitty: It’s Only Make Believe
1959: Emile Ford and the Checkmates – What Do You Want to Make Those Eyes at Me For?
1960: Cliff Richard and The Shadows – I Love You
1961: Danny Williams – Moon River
1962: Elvis Presley – Return to Sender
1963: The Beatles – I Want to Hold Your Hand
1964: The Beatles – I Feel Fine
1965: The Beatles – Day Tripper/We Can Work It Out
1966: Tom Jones: Green Green Grass of Home
1967: The Beatles – Hello Goodbye
1968: The Scaffold – Lily the Pink
1969: Rolf Harris – Two Little Boys
1970: Dave Edmunds – I Hear You Knocking
1971: Benny Hill – Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)
1972: Donny Osmond – Long Haired Lover from Liverpool
1973: Slade – Merry Xmas Everybody
1974: Mud – Lonely This Christmas
1975: Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody
1976: Johnny Mathis – When a Child Is Born (Soleado)
1977: Wings – Mull of Kintyre/Girls School
1978: Boney M – Mary’s Boy Child – Oh My Lord
1979: Pink Floyd – Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)
1980: St Winifred’s School Choir – There’s No One Quite Like Grandma
1981: The Human League – Don’t You Want Me
1982: Renée and Renato – Save Your Love
1983: The Flying Pickets – Only You
1984: Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas?
1985: Shakin’ Stevens – Merry Christmas Everyone
1986: Jackie Wilson – Reet Petite
1987: Pet Shop Boys – Always on My Mind
1988: Cliff Richard – Mistletoe and Wine
1989: Band Aid II – Do They Know It’s Christmas?
1990: Cliff Richard – Saviour’s Day
1991: Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody/These Are the Days of Our Lives
1992: Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You
1993: Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby
1994: East 17 – Stay Another Day
1995: Michael Jackson – Earth Song
1996: Spice Girls – 2 Become 1
1997: Spice Girls – Too Much
1998: Spice Girls – Goodbye
1999: Westlife – I Have a Dream/Seasons in the Sun
2000: Bob the Builder – Can We Fix It?
2001: Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman – Something Stupid
2002: Girls Aloud – Sound of the Underground
2003: Michael Andrews and Gary Jules – Mad World
2004: Band Aid 20: Do They Know It’s Christmas?
2005: Shayne Ward – That’s My Goal
2006: Leona Lewis – A Moment Like This
2007: Leon Jackson – When You Believe
2008: Alexandra Burke – Hallelujah
2009: Rage Against the Machine – Killing in the Name Of
2010: Matt Cardle – When We Collide
2011: Military Wives with Gareth Malone – Wherever You Are
2012: The Justice Collective – He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother
2013: Sam Bailey – Skyscraper
2014: Ben Haenow – Something I Need
2015: Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir – A Bridge Over You
2016: Clean Bandit featuring Sean Paul and Anne-Marie – Rockabye