The Intro
I’m just about done with the 70s for the time being, but before I get on with Every UK Number 1: The 60s, here’s one more look at the decade. As usual when I finish choosing my highs and lows of a decade, I take a look at the number 2s (oo-er). Why? Well, it’s a chance to take an alternative look at the most popular songs of the decade and see how they compare with the songs that pipped them to the post. It’s long been believed that some of the greatest songs of all time missed out on the top spot. This certainly proved true in the 60s.
Will it prove to be the case for the 70s? Let’s find out. As per usual, I’ll look at each year, pick a best and worst for each year, then an overall winner and loser. Any future past number 1s aren’t included – these songs must have reached no higher than 2.
1970
Just as with the number 1 selection of this year, rock is the main genre dominating the runner-up chart position. And there’s some real beauties. Elvis Presley’s greatest song, Suspicious Minds, gets things off to an excellent start. Like the best number 2s, it’s criminal this didn’t top the charts. Folk trio Peter, Paul and Mary are next with their version of John Denver’s Leaving on a Jet Plane. This was the version that was a hit, and rightly so as the harmonies are lovely. Let’s Work Together – later a hit for Roxy Music as Let’s Stick Together – is an excellent dose of raucous blues-rock courtesy of Canned Heat. The Beatles bow out of the charts with Let It Be, which is obviously a classic, but for a change, I’m not picking it as the winner. We won’t see them again until Every 90s Number 2, when Free As a Bird was pipped to the post. Question by The Moody Blues is a lovely piece of prog rock. It’s a bit like Fleetwood Mac’s Oh Well, in that it’s more like a two-parter, but both halves are great. Groovin’ with Mr Bloe was a B-side for a band called Wind that changed their name to Mr Bloe when this song became an accidental hit in the US. Although an unknown called Elton John recorded a version, it was ignored in favour of the harmonica-led soul original at last. It’s not bad. Then we’ve a couple of bangers. All Right Now by Free and Lola by The Kinks are still evergreen rock classics. Less famous is Neanderthal Man by session musicians Hotlegs, later known as 10cc. They were messing about with drum sounds in the studio when they stumbled upon their suitably primitive rock smasher. The rocksteady favourite You Can Get it if You Really Want was written and recorded by Jimmy Cliff before number 1 artist Desmond Dekker and the Aces released their version, which outdid Cliff’s. I find it a little overrated, to be honest. Then another total rock classic, and one of the greatest riffs of all time – Deep Purple’s Black Night. Patches is a forgotten soul track by Chairmen of the Board’s singer General Johnson, but blind singer Clarence Carter took it to number 2. It’s not aged well. Rounding a great year off is When I’m Dead and Gone by rock band McGuinness Flint. It’s pretty nice, and thanks to the mandolin is rather similar to Maggie May. Two of the band later departed to become Gallagher and Lyle.
The Best:
The Jackson 5 – I Want You Back
As you can see with such incredible competition, the winner of 1970 has to be pretty special. I nearly went with Suspicious Minds but few songs show the majestic uplifting beauty of pop at its best than this. It’s mad to think the Jacksons didn’t get a UK number 1 until 1977. I Want You Back, their debut, is still guaranteed to fill dance floors after all these years. Effervescent and sweet without being too sugary, it’s bloody brilliant. And whatever Michael Jackson later became, what a talent he was in 1970.
The Worst:
Mary Hopkin – Knock Knock, Who’s There
Young folk star Hopkin had recorded some great Paul McCartney material initially, including number 1 Those Were the Days, but this tune, which became the runner-up at the Eurovision Song Contest, is a big letdown. It’s perfect as a 70s Eurovision entry, and certainly better than the winner, but it’s the worst song in a very good year.
1971
Similar to 1970 but a lower rate of classics. But the first stirrings of glam are here, with the genre’s pioneers, T Rex, topping and tailing the year. The Pushbike Song by Australian band The Mixtures, is a very obvious copy of Mungo Jerry’s In the Summertime, but I can’t help but enjoy it anyway. It’s followed by Another Day, which was the debut solo single by a Mr Paul McCartney. John Lennon may have slated this by comparing it to Yesterday in How Do You Sleep?, but unfairly so in my opinion. It’s a lovely single. A controversial classic next, as The Rolling Stones got to number 2 for the last time with Brown Sugar/Bitch/Let It Rock. The first track was until recently considered one of the band’s best, but in the wake of Black Lives Matter and #metoo, the lyrical references to the slave trade and rape have understandably seen this removed from the Stones setlist. Bitch is a decent track from Sticky Fingers, with a good guitar and brass riff, and Let It Rock is a so-so run-through an old Chuck Berry song at the University of Leeds. There must have been something in the air in 1971, as the next three tracks are all about death. Indiana Wants Me was inspired by Canadian country singer R Dean Taylor’s viewing of Bonnie and Clyde and is written from the point of view who murdered a man who insulted his woman, which seems somewhat of an overreaction. It’s not bad, atmospheric and ending with gunfire. Not as good as his best-known track There’s a Ghost in My House, though. Then there’s I Did What I Did for Maria by Sheffield singer Tony Christie, sounding just like Tom Jones here. This is from the POV of a widower on Death Row who is about to die for avenging the death of his wife. Interesting premise, but so-so as a song. Worth mentioning it was written and produced by 50s hitmaker Mitch Murray and Peter Callander, who wrote Georgie Fame’s 1968 number 1, The Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde. They also wrote Christie’s 2005 number 1 Is This the Way to Amarillo. Then, Don’t Let It Die by Hurricane Smith. Norman Smith had been an engineer for The Beatles from 1963-65. Promoted to a producer, he worked with bands including Pink Floyd. He wrote this track as a warning abut the future of the Earth with Lennon in mind, but producer Mickie Most said Smith should release it himself. It’s pretty good, and Smith’s vocal is pretty weird, sounding slightly unhinged, even. Future glam stars The Sweet scored their first real hit with Co-Co, a catchy but cheesy calypso-style track. The New Seekers’ cover of Delaney & Bonnie’s Never Ending Song of Love is throwaway pap. Nancy Sinatra and her producer Lee Hazlewood, four years after her last number 1 Somethin’ Stupid, narrowly missed out with the duet Did You Ever, which I think is filthier than it first appears. Scottish popsters Middle of the Road followed up their number 1 Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep with Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, which isn’t quite as irritating as their chart-topper, at least but it’s throwaway nonsense. US funk rockers redbone liven things up somewhat with the spooky The Witch Queen of New Orleans. Tom Jones’s cover of a 50s track, Till, is typically overblown, but not very memorable. Marc Bolan returns to end the year with the lightweight but enjoyable Jeepster. T Rex really were on fire in the early 70s.
The Best:
T Rex – Ride a White Swan
And here’s the song that finally made Bolan, after years as a cult figure in Tyrannosaurus Rex, into a bona fide star. With only Bolan and percussionist Mickey Finn on board, it’s a fascinating bridge from the low-key whimsy of his former band into the electric, catchy pop template of T Rex’s future four number 1s and so much more.
The Worst:
Ray Stevens – Bridget the Midget (The Queen of the Blues)
Oh Ray, you really don’t do great with me, do you? On the basis of this and one of the worst chart-toppers of the 70s, The Streak, Stevens really was the master of awfully unfunny novelty crap. This is marginally better than that track, purely on the basis of a catchy piano riff. The rest is total shit. Pitched-up vocals from Stevens are meant to give the impression he is Bridget, a small, high-pitched singer. Fuck’s sake.
1972
Glam makes its presence felt with some classics and some that are best forgotten. But first, 11-year-old Scottish Opportunity Knocks winner Neil Reid with his soppy old cover of Mother of Mine. Pretty much forgotten now, unlike Don McLean’s American Pie. It’s better than his 1972 number 1 Vincent, but overfamiliarity with it makes me weary. Way too long, also. Ringo Starr! This is much more like it. His early 70s collaborations with fellow-Beatle George Harrison are well worth checking out, and Back Off Boogaloo is probably the best. Is it a Paul McCartney diss? Maybe, but it’s definitely very glam-sounding, that’s undeniable. Greek singer Vicky Leandros won Eurovision with Après Toi, and the English translation, Come What May, shows she had a great voice, but there’s not a lot to say about it otherwise. David Cassidy is next with a double A-side, Could It Be Forever?/Cherish. His voice is less irritating than it is on the number 1s he followed this up with, and I didn’t mind the former, but the latter is very wet and overlong, albeit with a nice climax (that’s what she said). I used to think Rocket Man was merely Elton John ripping off Space Oddity, but it’s grown on me over the last year or so. Great vocal and nice synth sound too. Won’t be a shock to hear I’d rather forget about Gary Glitter but unfortunately he crops up a lot now. Annoyingly though, Rock and Roll, Parts 1 and 2 still sounds good. But that’s down to producer Mike Leander. And at least Part 2 is an instrumental so we don’t even have to think about Glitter… except his voice is all over it still, particularly all those horrible yelping noises at the end… Then it’s Dr Hook and the Medicine Show’s Sylvia’s Mother. Nice idea, writing a song about a man ringing his ex to get her back, only for her mum to answer, but unfortunately the vocal is so overwrought it ruins it. Long before Jona Lewis was wishing he was home for Christmas, he was doing the Seaside Shuffle with Terry Dactyl and the Dinosaurs. Nice, jaunty little novelty track that makes me want to go for a paddle. After that we’ve the evergreen Children of the Revolution, a standout T Rex track that I actually prefer to his last two number 1s, Telegram Sam and Metal Guru. It’s a little different to Bolan’s usual fare thanks to the epic arrangement. Hotlegs became 10c with the release of doo-wop pastiche Donna, but it’s too similar to Oh! Darling by the Beatles, and not particularly funny. And here come the legendary Slade with Gudbuy T’Jane, an excellent ode to a woman who demonstrated a sex machine on a US chat show they appeared on.
The Best:
The Osmonds – Crazy Horses
Still astounds me how a Mormon boyband in effect pulled a ‘Monkees’ and decided to rock out and play their own instruments. Rehearsing in a basement, Wayne came up with the monster chugging riff, Merrill invented the melody and gave the verse vocal to Jay and Alan got the chords. Donny’s voice was breaking so he didn’t sing, but his organ was a stallion (that’s what she said), which, put through a wah-wah pedal, gave the song its hook. And what a hook. This ode to ecology had a great message, too. Their record label were understandably concerned before its release, but it did very well, particularly in the UK, and it bloody well deserved to.
The Worst:
The New Seekers – Beg, Steal or Borrow
Another Eurovision entry, this time for the UK. It came second but like the other contest entries so far, it’s pretty dull. But they perform it well. I do have a little respect for The New Seekers – they seem to have had a bit more going for them than the usual light entertainment singers of the era.
1973
Peak glam, with only a few pop songs getting a look in. T Rex are back for the last time with Solid Gold Easy Action, which is only an average Bolan track, but that’s still better than most of the competition. Very much of its time is the rowdy left-wing folk singalong Part of the Union by The Strawbs. I’ve read differing opinions on this over the years. Is it pro-unions or a pisstake. Probably the former. Either way, it’s an earworm and a reminder of days when unions held more power. The Faces next, with the rather lacklustre Cindy Incidentally. It’s no Stay with Me or Ooh La La. Sadly Glitter was at the peak of his powers this year with two more famous stompers. Hello! Hello! I’m Back Again is the least revolting of the two, and of course is better known these days for being knicked by Oasis. The Sweet are much more welcome with their two – Hell Raiser and particularly The Ballroom Blitz are great raunchy rockers, which probably went down a storm live, and bassist Steve Priest’s camp interjections are always fun. I like The Carpenters in small doses, but Yesterday Once More is a bit too saccharine, however lovely the production is. Barry Blue was perhaps too lightweight to be remembered for his glam single Dancing (on a Saturday Night), but it’s pretty good, if a bit on the retro side, something which occurred more with glam a year later. The least glam-sounding glam song here is MY FRIEИD STAИ by Slade – their comeback single after drummer Don Powell’s car crash. I like the fact they styled this song with what looks to be Satanic writing. But the song is a bit of a curio, sounding more like a Chas and Dave tune. The Osmonds are back with Let Me In, which was familiar with me thanks to The Avalanches sampling it on Since I Left You in 2000. The rock of Crazy Horses is gone and replaced with the more familiar commercial pop sound, but it’s good at what it does. Judging them by their biggest hits, it seems The Osmonds were better as a group than their various offshoots. Don’t even get me started on Little Jimmy… The black glove of Alvin Stardust is one of the most recognisable glam sights of yore, but as I discovered when reviewing his number 1 Jealous Mind, it’s actually songwriter Pete Shelley singing that and this better, more famous track, My Coo-ca-Choo. Rounding things off is Marie Osmond with an old-fashioned cover of country track Paper Roses. Mad to think this was higher up the charts that December than Wizzard…
The Best:
David Bowie – The Jean Genie
It’s also mad to think David Bowie didn’t get to number 1 during his Ziggy Stardust phase and we have to settle with this instead. Bizarrely written and recorded at the same time as another Bo Diddley soundalike, number 1 Block Buster !, Bowie missed out on the top spot. And despite being a massive Bowie hardcore fan, I said in my review that I preferred The Sweet’s song (just). Yet that didn’t win by favourite number 1 of 1973. Confused? Me too. Anyway, allegedly inspired by Jean Genet and Iggy Pop, The Jean Genie always sounds great, even when you hear it for the millionth time.
The Worst:
Gary Glitter – Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah!) – Eugh. I hate to say it but despite despising this despicable chancer, a lot of Glitter songs still sound good. The guitar sound at the start of this is cool, but as usual I’m going to say it’s down to Leander. Lyrically, this is the most sickening Glitter tune to be forced to hear these days. Forever a black stain on the charts.
1974
Just as the standard of number 1s fell with the decline of glam, so did the runners-up. Even more so, in fact. The year begins with an overlong blast of circus music courtesy of Leo Sayer and his first hit, The Show Must Go On. It’s an odd little tune, with interesting lyrics but an overwrought vocal. Teenage Rampage is OK but probably the least impressive tune by The Sweet here. Then it’s the surprise comeback of The Hollies with a cover of Albert Hammond’s The Air That I Breathe. It’s perhaps best known these days for the verses being so similar to part of Radiohead’s Creep, but that takes away from the memorable chorus. Country singer Charlie Rich’s The Most Beautiful Girl is decent I suppose, if you like the genre, which I don’t much. Tiger Feet was definitely a late-glam era highlight and one of my favourite number 1s of 1974, but Mud’s The Cat Crept In just sounds like a tossed-off retread. The guitar is practically the same. The Bay City Rollers had two chart-toppers but Shang-a-Lang was the start of Roller-mania. It’s a very irritating song – I really don’t like the chorus. Finally, a song to shake things up a bit… It was This Town Ain’t Big Enough for Both of Us. Combining inventive glam, rather than its derivative aspect, with music hall and progressive pop, this is the song that alerted the world to Sparks. Produced by Muff Winwood of former chart-toppers The Spencer Davis Group, fact fans. Back to 50s-sounding glam with Showaddywaddy’s Hey Rock and Roll. The Leicester band were riding high from their New Faces win and penned this debut single. which features their name in the backing vocals. It’s terribly unoriginal, but the stomping in the chorus would have been quite fun for children I suppose. It wasn’t just rock that was low on ideas in 1974, as Kissin’ in the Back Row of the Movies by The Drifters sounds like 50s soul rather than genres like the Philly Sound, up soon. The band were unsure whether singing about picking their girl up from school when her homework was done was a good idea – imagine that happening now… Where do I know Stephanie De Sykes’ Born with a Smile on My Face from? Is it from a 90s comedy? Wherever I first heard it makes me nostalgic upon hearing it again, but can you be nostalgic for something you can’t even remember?! The Stylistics’ You Make Me Feel Brand New was more contemporary. Love the sitar at the start and tenor Airrion Love’s vocal is much more pleasant on the ears than the falsetto of Russell Thompkins Jr. Donny and Marie Osmond team up with the predictably boring easy listening tune I’m Leaving It Up to You. And the next one, Rock Me Gently by Andy Kim, isn’t much better. The electric piano gives it a nice sound, but it’s an average bubblegum pop song from one of the guys who sang with The Archies. Slade made the gritty film Flame in 1974, seemingly to prove there was more to them than the crazy outfits and excellent pop songs. Far Far Away is a decent attempt at a more mature sound, capturing the melancholy involved with life on the road. Other than the year’s best and worst, that only leaves Bachman Turner Overdrive’s You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet. As happy and catchy as this is, I can’t hear it without thinking of Smashie and Nicey, which makes it hard to do anything but laugh at it.
The Best:
Queen – Killer Queen
I can take or leave some of Queen’s output, which has often been ruined for me by overfamiliarity. But this, their breakthrough hit, has always been one of my favourites. This super-camp music hall ditty was about a high-class call girl, and was unusual in that Freddie Mercury came up with the lyrics before the tune. It’s a song that always sounds fresh and a large part of that is, ironically, the very 70s production.
The Worst:
Gary Glitter – Oh Yes! You’re Beautiful
Oh fuck off already! I wonder if the song title came to Glitter as he stared out into the sea of children at his gigs. Thankfully, he won’t trouble us anymore after this.
1975
An interesting, varied mix this year, topped and tailed with Christmas songs. Wombling Merry Christmas is fun, even if the concept of Mike Batt and co dressing up as Wombles seems so odd in modern times. It’s a very Bay City Rollers-style sound. Ralph McTell’s Streets of London next, which is the musical equivalent of a worn, comfy pair of slippers, even if the lyrics are actually quite depressing. I prefer Gloria Gaynor’s Never Can Say Goodbye to I Will Survive. Originally recorded by The Jackson 5, Gaynor’s version is considered one of the first disco tunes. A quick blast of the Glitter sound that’s OK to still enjoy. However, The Glitter Band never actually played on the paedophile’s records, only backing him live sometimes. Goodbye My Love isn’t up to scratch though, other than the nice guitar lick. The Carpenters are back but again, there’s better songs by Richard and Karen out there. Please Mr Postman is considered a classic, but it’s not a patch on The Beatles version. The Sweet broke away from Chinnichap in 1975 and produced a re-recording of Fox on the Run themselves. Singer Brian Connolly sounds more like Noddy Holder here and there’s a nice Roxy Music vibe to the keyboards. Not bad at all. Aww, it’s Minnie Riperton’s classic Lovin’ You next, which is excellent. Co-produced by Stevie Wonder, the melody was created by Riperton as a distraction for her daughter Maya, which is what she’s singing at the end. DJs faded it out though in case it was misinterpreted as a religious chant. The birdsong was a happy accident they decided to leave in. Showaddywaddy are back with their inferior version of Eddie Cochran’s Three Steps to Heaven. The spoken-word section is laughably sinister. Now, here’s a surprise… Ray Stevens, performing a country song straight… and it’s actually not bad! I like the banjo, Stevens has a great falsetto and it builds to a rousing finale. Roger Whittaker, much like his mate Des O’Connor, is seemingly unconcerned with getting emotion into a song. The Last Farewell is a predictably wet song about sailing from 1971, which was held off the top spot by Rod Stewart’s… Sailing. Leo Sayer is back with Moonlighting, sadly not the excellent theme to the 80s US TV series, but not bad. A close second place this year is Roxy Music’s Love is the Drug. I hadn’t even realised just how devoid of sex these songs had been up to now (I’m not counting Glitter in this). Excellent slinky groove to this one. We all know Hot Chocolate’s You Sexy Thing of course, and I’m still surprised it never made it to number 1. Sadly overfamiliarity and an air of cheese kind of spoils it these days, but it certainly is catchy as hell. Strangest song here is Laurel & Hardy’s The Trail of the Lonesome Pine. Apparently the silent comedy duo’s films were very popular on TV at the time and John Peel had championed this tune. Due to its age, it has an eerie, haunting melancholy to it that’s really interesting.
The Best:
Greg Lake – I Believe in Father Christmas
Combining sombre folk with Sergei Prokofiev’s Lieutenant Kiljé Suite, this is one of my favourite Christmas songs. Emerson Lake and Palmer’s Greg Lake wrote the music and his former King Crimson bandmate Peter Sinfield wrote the lyrics as a protest at the commercialisation and loss of childhood belief in the festive season. Despite, or perhaps because of the downbeat, contemplative mood, it’s really beautiful and in sharp contrast to the usual party tone of other Christmas classics.
The Worst:
Guys ‘n’ Dolls – There’s a Whole Lot of Loving This sounds like it belongs on an advert for biscuits. And that’s exactly what it was. Recorded by session singers including Edison Lighthouse‘s Tony Burrows, this was used as a jingle for McVities. Such was its popularity, the group Guys ‘n’ Dolls were quickly formed to record a new version. However, they didn’t get their voices on this single as they weren’t assembled in time, so Burrows and co’s voices remain. There’s not a lot else to it other than the resemblance to Brotherhood of Man.
1976
Hmm, so this is interesting. The number 1s of 1976 were one of the worst years of the 70s, all in all. The standard of the runners-up is higher. In fact, there isn’t a truly awful track. Sailor are best known for Girls, Girls, Girls, but A Glass of Champagne did better at the time, and it’s not bad at all – albeit, a little bit too much of a Roxy Music pastiche. There were some weird phenomenons in the 70s, one of which was the CB radio craze which resulted in the novelty hit Convoy, credited to CW McCall (alias of Bill Fries). It’s, like all great novelty tracks, very catchy, and McCall’s voice was perfect for the part. Love Really Hurts Without You was Billy Ocean’s first of many hits. He’d do better, but it’s a well-remembered slice of soul, sounding very Motown. More soul follows courtesy of Barry White’s You See the Trouble with Me, co-written by Ray Parker Jr (Ghostbusters). It’s alright, but is sorely lacking the sex you’d expect from the Walrus of Love. I certainly haven’t had enough of Silly Love Songs – it’s one of my favourite Wings tracks. It’s a close runner-up for best of the year and is the cheeriest ‘Fuck you’ to Macca’s critics you’ll ever here. Love the harmonies in the breakdown near the end. A Little Bit More is one of Dr Hook’s (as they were known by then) best-known songs and I prefer it to Sylvia’s Mother, but those lyrics can’t help but sound a bit, well, rapey. Paul McCartney had a very good 1976 as Wings are back again with Let ‘Em In. I really like this tune, but unfortunately, it shows the problem with McCartney at times without John Lennon to bounce off. You’ve got this cool, moody music, set to lyrics about friends and family… just… knocking on his door, or ringing the bell. Shame. One of my favourite Rod Stewart songs is The Killing of Georgie (Part I and II) so it’s great to be reminded of that. Far removed from some of his more laddish tendencies, this is Stewart being sadly inspired by the killing of a friend of his band Faces. It’s a beautiful tune and a subject matter realty with sensitively. Or at least, Part I is. Part II is OK, but it’s a complete rip-off of The Beatles’ Don’t Let Me Down. The Real Thing are only really remembered for their great chart-topper You to Me Are Everything, but Can’t Get By Without You is also a good stab of disco, soul and funk. It must have surely inspired the theme to US 80s cop drama Hill Street Blues, which is what I thought it was when it came on. You Make Me Feel Like Dancing is one of Leo Sayer’s better tracks – he’s well-suited to this bright and breezy disco tune. Queen very nearly made it two Christmas number 1s in a row, and Somebody to Love has similarities to Bohemian Rhapsody. But it’s not as inventive. Nonetheless, it’s one of their most famous songs and a real rock anthem.
The Best:
Candi Staton – Young Hearts Run Free
Over lunch one day, Candi Staton’s producer David Crawford apparently asked the soul singer what was going on in her life and she told him about the abusive relationship she was struggling to find a way out of. Crawford took notes and promised her he’d write a song that would last forever. He achieved that with Young Hearts Run Free, which to me is the very definition of ‘bittersweet’. Set to a lovely upbeat disco backing, Staton isn’t jealous of the young people she sees in love, she just hopes they don’t end up like her. Many of the millions who’ve danced to this over the years may not have noticed how bleak the lyrics often are, which makes the beauty of the melody that much more effective. One of the best disco songs of the decade.
The Worst:
Demis Roussos – When Forever Has Gone
The Greek singer-songwriter was very big in 1976. OK, he was very big in general, but Excerpts from ‘The Roussos Phenomenon’ (EP), a spin-off from a hit BBC documentary, was the first EP to top the charts. This was the follow-up, but it’s not as good as the title track to that, Forever and Ever. It’s a bit sickly. Not by any means diabolical, but as I said, 1976 was a good year for number 2s.
1977
Disco is easily the most popular genre in a very strong year, full of great soul tracks that lit up the dancefloor. One of the best kicks things off. Heatwave’s Boogie Nights, written by Rod Temperton, has an amazing jazz-funk intro and outro, which opens out into a cool groove. David Soul’s Going in With My Eyes Open came between his two number 1s that year. It’s a rather bog standard ballad and the worst of the three tracks. Red Light Spells Danger by Billy Ocean is better than his last entry here. It has a great moody bassline and weird vocal effect to ramp up the tension. Then it’s the magnificent Stevie Wonder at the peak of his powers with his tribute to musical greats, in particular Sir Duke Ellington. Very nearly my pick for 1977. Southern soul singer Joe Tex’s biggest hit was Ain’t Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman) and rightly so. The bass is excellent here and I love the groove in the extended outro. Greg Lake’s back with Keith Emerson and Carl Palmer this time. Their version of Aaron Copland’s Fanfare for the Common Man is a surprisingly punchy piece of prog rock, and is easy to enjoy. Lo and behold, here’s a Boney M track I don’t mind. If I ignore the cheesy interjections, Ma Baker is a nice disco tune and once again, a large part of that is down to the bass. Showaddywaddy return, once again with their feet firmly in the past, this time with a cover of Marv Johnson’s You Got What It Takes. Mediocre. Back to the disco next with the excellent Magic Fly. This one-hit wonder for the French band in spacesuits was highly influential, on fellow countrymen Air and Daft Punk, to name just a couple. Highly recommended. Black is Black had been a number 2 for Los Bravos in 1966 and here it is, revamped for the dancefloor by French vocal trio La Belle Epoque. It works well, with rhythmic strings and an usual echo on the vocals. Queen serve up another rock anthem at the end of the year. We Are the Champions is understandably one of their most famous tunes, and though some find it on the smug side, there’s no denying its mass appeal. A team of scientists declared it the catchiest pop song of all time in 2011.
The Best:
Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen
Here’s a timely tune. Created for the Silver Jubilee, the highest charting punk song of all time is being rereleased for the Platinum Jubilee. Sadly, its scabrous lyrics are more relevant than ever, as Johnny Rotten sings ‘And there’s no future/In England’s dreaming’. Words that could very easily be aimed at the horrendous, post-Brexit government led by our worst Prime Minister of all time, Boris Johnson. There’s enough proof out there to suggest that God Save the Queen was actually number 1 in the week of the Jubilee, but the establishment and music industry got together to ensure Rod Stewart was at pole position to save face. I prefer disco to punk nearly always, but this is an important moment in music that shouldn’t be forgotten and shook up pop culture forever.
The Worst:
Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band – The Floral Dance
As weird 70s novelty hits go, this is a doozy. An instrumental track that had lyrics when originally recorded in 1911, this version was rearranged by a West Yorkshire brass band and shot up the charts at Christmas. Why, I’ve no idea. If anyone could tell me, please do. Such was its popularity, Radio One DJ legend Terry Wogan recorded a version soon after. Though less successful at the time, it’s the better known of the two now.
1978
After such a good year, 1978 is a big disappointment. It’s nearly exclusively 50s and 60s throwbacks, which I’m not too keen on and it’s also the year of Grease, which I actually love. I know, this is confusing… Doo-wop revival nine-piece Darts are first up with Come Back My Love, originally from 1955. It left little impression on me. New wave makes its debut here as Blondie scored their first hit with Denis. It may be a surprise that despite how great the New Yorkers undoubtedly are, I’m not that keen on this. Could be because it’s a cover of a 1963 doo-wop song, originally called Denise. Sadly it’s the only new wave tune to make it to number 2. Darts again with The Boy from New York City, which was originally from 1964. This is actually OK – possibly because it’s by renowned hitmakers Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller. Then it’s, er, The Smurf Song by Father Abraham. Originally only 1,000 copies of this promo for the Belgian children’s characters were made. It somehow became huge because, er, it was the 70s. I loved the 80s animated series as a child, but this is just weird. Best of the bunch so far is a song I don’t think I’d ever heard before. Substitute had been a Righteous Brothers song three years previous but this version was by South African all-girl rockers Clout. It’s got a great chorus, really infectious. Darts are back for a third time and we’re in the doldrums again. Unlike their previous hits, It’s Raining was an original. However, it’s still retro and poor too. I like Rose Royce’s disco-soul ballad Love Don’t Live Here Anymore, mainly due to the early use of the LinnDrum. It’s followed by Boney M and again, not a bad one by their standards. Rasputin is probably their best song. Songs from the Grease soundtrack were everywhere that year, with You’re the One That I Want and Summer Nights enjoying 16 weeks in total in the top spot. Sandy was kept from the top spot by the latter. This John Travolta solo song was written specifically from the movie and it’s pretty fun, especially his naff way of singing ‘why-aye-aye-oh-why’.
The Best:
Olivia Newton-John – Hopelessly Devoted to You
OK, this is a surprise I guess. Like I said, not a fan in general of 50s/60s rock’n’roll tributes, or musicals in fact. But seeing Grease at a young age left its mark and you can’t deny the power of nostalgia. This Olivia Newton-John vehicle was another that didn’t feature in the original musical. It was written by Shadows member John Farrar and was a last-minute addition for the film. There are a few better songs technically in this section (although not that many, poor year in general), but it’s fun to belt out, so it wins, OK?
The Worst:
Showaddywaddy – I Wonder Why
The Leicester retro rock’n’roll act’s cover of a Dion and the Belmonts 1958 hit is lazy, it’s not a great song anyway and I’ve definitely had my fill of this genre now.
1979
As with the number 1s, 1979 is a strong year for runner-ups, thanks largely to new wave. One of the most famous bands of the decade brings things down at either end of the year though, surprisingly. But we’ve a disco belter in the Village People’s In the Navy. I think I may actually prefer this to Y.M.C.A. London new wave outfit Squeeze have a strong showing with their two biggest hits. Cool for Cats, at number 2 the day I was born, is my favourite of the two with its excellent disco groove and cockney vocals from Chris Difford. He should sing more often. Also love the synth breakdown from Jools Holland. Some Girls by Racey is infectious, even if it is a bit naff. Chinnichap’s mark is all over it, but it seems a bit old-fashioned and naff for 1979. Nonetheless, I have a soft spot for it. One of my favourites of the year is the ironic one-hit wonder Pop Muzik by M, aka singer/musician Robin Scott, who reminds me of Bryan Ferry. Which is also ironic as he’s followed by Roxy Music with the classy, melancholic Dance Away. Squeeze returned with the nicely acerbic working-class humour of Up the Junction. Then there’s a gear change with the wonderful lovers rock classic Silly Games by Dennis Bovell. I’ve loved this track since it took centre stage in Steve McQueen’s Lovers Rock and that vocal by Janet Kay is amazing. More reggae to follow, but Can’t Stand Losing You isn’t one of The Police’s better tracks if you ask me. I prefer their number 1s that year – Message in a Bottle and especially Walking on the Moon. Not sure what to make of BA Robertson’s Bang Bang. It doesn’t feel like authentic new wave but it is a quite good facsimile, I guess. Blondie return with Dreaming, one of their less famous hits but one I enjoyed as the theme to the final series of The Deuce. Runner-up for track of the year is Queen’s effortless Elvis tribute Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Apparently Mercury had it down in five minutes. The final number 2 of the decade was ABBA’s naff ballad I Have a Dream. It’s one of their most famous tracks but this is the side of ABBA that turns me off – that Europop anthem sound leaves me cold. How horrible that Westlife’s cover of this was the final number 1 of the 20th century.
The Best:
Elvis Costello and The Attractions – Oliver’s Army
My favourite track by new wave firebrand Elvis Costello, Oliver’s Army is probably the world’s only glossy pop track about The Troubles. The addition of piano flourishes to remind the public of ABBA’s classic Dancing Queen adds to the brilliance of this tune, inspired by seeing young British soldiers patrolling the streets of Belfast. Costello notes here how, wherever the war (and others are certainly noted), ‘they always get a working class boy to do the killing’. Oliver’s Army has been controversial of late, much like Brown Sugar, due to the lyric ‘Only takes one itchy trigger/One more widow, one less white nigger’. Despite somehow passing censorship on the radio for more than 30 years, in 2013 BBC 6 Music began removing the phrase. This caused controversy, with fans of the song noting its anti-war message. ‘White nigger’ was a slur used against Irish Catholics and Costello’s grandfather was called it while serving the British Army. In 2020 Costello pointed out that censorship only served to highlight the phrase and so he announced he would no longer perform the song and asked radio stations to not play it. I can see both sides of this and it’s hard to know what’s best. Nonetheless, it’s a great song.
ABBA – Chiquitita
ABBA. Infuriating. Dancing Queen is one of the finest number 1s of the 70s and the had an amazing hitrate. But they also came out with some crap. I Had a Dream I’ve already noted, but they opened 1979 with this pap, inspired by the far superior Simon and Garfunkel track El Condor Pasa (If I Could).
The Best 70s Number 2 Ever is…
Sex Pistols – God Save the Queen
It’s a common belief that punk changed the landscape of pop music, putting an end to staid MOR and prog rock. While this has been exaggerated somewhat (it amuses me to discover that ELP overtook the Sex Pistols at number 2 after the Silver Jubilee), hearing this in the context of the biggest hits of the decade really does hammer home how scary and exciting this must have sounded in 1977. Yes, punk didn’t set the charts alight too much after this, but its influence is soon seen in all the new wave that came in its wake and set the scene for the 80s. And as i’ve already pointed out, the message of this song is sadly more relevant than ever. As the Platium Jubilee begins, the UK has never been more divided. What a shame there’s no equivalent to punk and the Pistols in 2022. A Disney+ biopic doesn’t count.
The Worst 70s Number 2 Ever is…
Gary Glitter – Oh Yes! You’re Beautiful
There may have been worse songs in the 70s, but no other artist sickens in the way Gary Glitter does. And this time there’s little you can say that’s positive about the song either. Glam at its most mundane – in slave to the 50s, with a lyric that can’t sound anything but sickening in 2022. A symbol of everything that was wrong with the 70s. Lazy… derivative… tasteless… fake… played by Jimmy Savile on the radio, no doubt. Rotten to the core.
The Outro
As usual, my journey through the number 2s of the 70s often mirrored the chart-toppers. We’ve rock holding centre stage at the start, with a fascinating mix of classics. Then glam becomes the biggest scene and it’s exciting at first, before running out of steam a few years later. However, things get interesting in 1976, because for the first time that I can remember, the number 2s are of a higher standard in general than the number 1s. And 1977 is a hell of a year, full of disco classics and lesser-known soul and funk tunes for the dancefloor. Boney M, whose chart-toppers I dissed, come out of this better. 1978, the year in which the biggest selling songs of the year started to get more interesting thanks to new wave, instead fares badly here, thanks to the seemingly never-ending array of 50s revival acts. Thankfully, we go out with a bang once more with 1979. In general, the standard of the 70s number 2s is interesting, but not as high as the 60s.
Right, that’s it for this blog for the foreseeable. I’ll be back to announce the release date of the next book eventually. Wish me luck!
